Sunday, December 31, 2006

Château d'Yquem

Chateau d'Yquem

A marvelous wine, I tried a few samples at the Winter Park Wine Bar.

I'll be adding a few bottles to my mini cellar.

Saturday, December 30, 2006


  • Yes, I am on vacation
  • I've gained lots of weight and haven't exercized
  • I'm a fat bastard, actually
  • I spend most of my evenings getting shot down by ugly, older townie women
  • Funny how Orlando women think their excrement smells lovely
  • I miss the beauty of supply and demand pressure that results in easy Tallahassee women
  • Funny how I am already eager to go back to school
  • Grades weren't great, but they were satisfactory. 3 Classes to go
  • Thinking about a cruise for spring break
  • Back in town on the 2nd
  • Chateau d'Yquem is amazing

Friday, December 22, 2006


Originally uploaded by Fertile Croissant.
Did a photo shoot and I got some cool pictures.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Everybody's Doing It

  • So why can't we, I miss The Cranberries
  • My portfolio is pissing me off, I want to sell CHK, confounded energy sector
  • I just bought Apple and now its sliding!
  • Cramer says they are both buys so i'll ride out the hoildays
  • I wish I had a job that I could actually motivate myself to work at
  • I need another job
  • I like waiting tables, its mindless and the quickest easiest money
  • Where should I wait tables
  • I hate dogs that sneeze in my face or have snaggle teeth
  • People say you can tell much about someone from their dog
  • This dog's owner is a lazy slob that likes to sleep.. very true from what I hear
  • Why am I excited today? Because Wednesday is smoke herb and workout day
  • Smoke and workout? Yes, because I push myself harder and focus more
  • Herb = The Natural Adderall
  • After the workout i'm going to work on my screenplay and eat!
  • I need to go shopping
  • I shouldn't of spent 25 bucks on sushi yesterday, that was dumb
  • Adderall = Crack
  • Blogging = Also Crack
  • Undisciplined Children = ADD
  • I think adding 6-8lbs by the end of January is realistic enough
  • Me = Going over board with the list...

Econ Geek

I love economics blogs. I think the world is best understood by patterns and data. I was talking about racism the other day, commenting on the fact that it is just a learned behavior and I came about this post about Darwin and his belief that genocide is an acceptable behavior. Hardly natural selection, but then again from a purely scientific perspective I suppose genocide is an artificial form of natural selection.. Crazy.

So I have really intense DOMS which means I need to get some vitamin C and stretch out or I'm going to walking down the stairs like an old man for the rest of the week until this lactic acid goes away. Squats always do it to me. I love packing on pounds, I've always been good at gaining weight. If all goes to schedule I will start a cutting diet by the end of Jan and come spring break I'm going to be shredded and etched.

I made the mistake of joking with my roommates that my ass was so hard I could crack a pecan with it. Insert jokes here :)

Monday, December 18, 2006


It amazes me how much time I can waste. I have been in my office all day, and I have made around 2 phone calls. I know I have a sale on the horizon that should fall any day now so I am slacking a bit but I really need to get crackalackin.

So I started a Mel Gibson argument. I'm sorry if I am the atypical human being that I am. I am just not offended by his, or Michael Richards, or any other wacked out human's drunken tirades. I think the N word is just a word, and people who get pissed about it are unintelligent. Who cares about it's history. Time spent worrying about racism is time that could be spent on something incalculably more productive.

Being half and half, racism just never bothers me. I've been profiled, I've been discriminated, so what. It happens, people learn it from their parents. It is human nature to dislike that which is different from yourself when you are able to understand the differences.

So there are only 2 degrees of separation in Tallahassee. No one steal that because I'm am patenting that idea/phrase/concept. Everyone in this city knows someone who knows you. I have never failed on this. This is why everyone is aching to get out after they graduate, not because this city is any inferior to any other small town. You just end up knowing everyone. Through the promiscuous behavior of college, you know too many people, then you end up having places you can't go. Restaurants you can't eat at, places you can't work at, people you don't want to see. Rinse repeat, Rinse Repeat.

I love the fact that there are women that still bake and give out xmas cookies. My metabolism however does not and it hates me right now.

I need a dog because I'm going to be single forever.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


"Mel Gibson combines his infamously twisted sensibilities and mammoth talents to create a bold and visionary telling of the downfall of the Mayan civilization."

I love Mel Gibson, I think his movies are thought provoking and visually stunning in an era where society dislikes being urged to think in the theater. I love his use of subtitles, a move again so criticized by American audiences because of laziness. I thought
this movie was sheer genius and you should go see it. I usually gage how good a movie is on if I would actually want to watch it again and Apocalypto is a healthy candidate.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


"Take one white spoiled middle class girl, add an undeserved sense of entitlement, a dash of nicknames such as ‘princess’ and ‘diva’ and then toss her aside to stew for a few years."

More brilliance from violent acres.

Ever hear things that members of the opposite sex mention that instantly alert you of a mismatch. For me, there are always certain traits, things, etc, that almost never fail in alerting me that "this girl is not for me." One of those things is when a woman tells me, "Oh I hate cats!"

I don't understand why anyone would particularly hate any animal who is by nature benevolent after eons of co evolution with humanity (other than Chihuahua's, I fucking hate those worthless rat dogs). Sure sometimes they are surly, non sociable, and ill tempered but so are people. Only dogs are always happy to see you, cats have good and bad days too.

There is a certain type of woman who hates cats, I have never understood what brings about this feeling of animosity against the penultimate example of personality in animals, so much more so than dogs who are slaves to their simple natures. I love dogs, I like to get rough and play with them, but I love cats because they are like people. They are independent and lead dual lives. They do what we would do if we were cats, lay around, bathe, get into trouble, and eat.

So what gives? Why do women dislike the creature of which they are closest in nature. In my experience it is those women who wish to rebel against their nature and wield power to achieve their aims that dislike felines. Women that use their bodies and minds as weapons to conquer feats in life; they don't like cats because they distrust the inherent nature in cats, as they can not gauge it nor manipulate it.

Cats are independent, and those women that hate them are much the same. They surround themselves with inferiors and non-threats so that when at leisure they need not worry about battle with others. I think that women who hate cats have inferiority complexes. I could be wrong as I often am, but one must admit that there is a certain type of woman that hates cats, and another all together that has 4 of them in her house.

I'll take the one somewhere in between.

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Real Estate

"The best-educated woman in America is 28 years old -- the best-educated man in America is 56," says Peter Francese, founder of American Demographics magazine and a demographic trends analyst for Ogilvy & Mather in New York.

"Among 25-to-34-year-olds -- key home-buying years -- about 35 percent of women are college graduates, but only 28 percent of men are," he adds. "These women have good jobs, and they make money."

From Yahoo

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

"Do you have any idea what feminism really is? Women don’t exist solely for the purpose of being visually appealing to men, you know! Women don’t like to be objectified.

Oh reallllllyyyyy? Women don’t like being objectified? Then how do you explain:

Botox. Fake breasts. Lingerie. Tummy tucks. Face lifts. Hair care products. French manicures. Make-up. Suggestive dancing. Bikinis. Etc. Etc. Etc.

None of those things suggest that women like to be objectified? Oh wait, I forgot. All that stuff is empowering. My mistake." - Violent Acres

I love this... This is exactly why I can never respect a woman who places plastic in her chest so that she can look better. It is mere idiocy. A woman that enhances her beauty to such extremes obviously feels that she has nothing else to offer but her beauty. The most attractive women are the most clever, the kind, the mysterious, and the intelligent. Save the plastic for plates and forks, not your body.

Sunday, December 3, 2006

The New Mind

What must I do to create in my mind effective subconscious processes that process a position so as to present only the strongest ideas and moves to my conscious awareness?

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Rico Suave

So i'm probably going to make Penne Rustica for someone who has been begging me for it this weekend. People are such suckers for Marsala creme sauces.

Sex Mistakes huh. I like this one:

29 Holding her head when she goes down on you

Pretty similar to number 28, but this time, holding her head and moving it up and down on your penis is the no-no. If you think that's acceptable sexual etiquette you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Violent Acres is my hero. I wish she had a comment or contact section on her blog so I could respond to her beautifully crafted posts. This one on mothers is one of my favorites.

If there is one thing that I cannot stand, it is female laziness. There is nothing more attractive and inspiring to anyone than a pregnant woman in the gym, refusing to succumb to desires of entire cartons of ice cream.

I almost threw up looking at some of the women on the birthing mother site. I was an 11-12 pound baby, who never really ate baby food skipping to watery solids almost instantly. My mother had to be strong to carry my heavy ass, I credit her healthy diet to my overall excellent health. I refuse to believe that a 10lb baby should warrant a 30 or more lb weight gain.

Also, lets talk about people that cannot write. You know why you can't write? Simply because you do not read. My roommate told me the other day that she hates reading and believe me her speech reflects such. How can you hate reading, it is a vital skill that brought us from the stone age.

Call me elitist, however there is nothing more annoying that people who can't speak or use the word "like" every five words. So grateful for parents that exposed me to learning and information at such a young age.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Interesting Point

The artist Jean Dubuffet said in an interview: "The secret is to do a thing badly. If you serve spinach the way it should be, no one notices or remembers it. Whereas if you burn it ..." - The Register

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Seven calories per gram

"Upon entering the bar, we very quickly became ‘those girls.’ You know, the girls who are laughing too loudly and spilling their drinks like fucking idiots? Yeah, those girls. The only reason we didn’t get thrown out was because I kept thrusting $10 bills at the bartender every time we made a mess." - Violent Acres

Margaritas are great, I love the taste of them but I usually stay clear. Cactus has a strange effect on everyone. It makes me a bit violent.

I was having a conversation with a friend about how much I loathe people who cannot control themselves, in any state or fashion. An acquaintance of mine, Napoleon (given this moniker because he is a hearty representation of the complex) was telling a story last night about how he was so coked up while he was driving and he was high as a kite yada yada.. Such a great idea.

Another thing that annoys me. When men talk to other men about girls who wish to sleep with them, yet they do not want to reciprocate for some odd reason. Always be skeptical of a man that won't sleep with an attractive female for any reason less then utterly legitimate(I mean like she has a disease, a strangely haired body part, or is dirty... or something). If the woman is attractive this man is a fool or a liar. Men by nature desire to mate.. It is what we do. To deny thy own nature is by nature a questionable act..

I think it is hard to find people that you are compatible with on a relationship level, however even harder to find people you can get fucked up with and not get annoyed to tears with their ruminations on life or excessive chatter. I like to zone and watch TV or have conversations of depth. Others like to speak endlessly in gradually escalating timbre on subjects which they know little. Those people should all die.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Humbled, the consumate contrarian

Walking through the valley of the shadow has rendered me inherently different yet again. The challenge that affronts me is the modification my natural behavior, behavior that I have long exhibited in company. I found my desire beautifully explained in the Tao Te Ching, Chapter 22.

If you want to become whole,
first let yourself become broken.
If you want to become straight,
first let yourself become twisted.
If you want to become full,
first let yourself become empty.
If you want to become new,
first let yourself become old.
Those whose desires are few gets them,
those whose desires are great go astray.

For this reason the Master embraces the Tao,
as an example for the world to follow.
Because she isn't self centered,
people can see the light in her.
Because she does not boast of herself,
she becomes a shining example.
Because she does not glorify herself,
she becomes a person of merit.
Because she wants nothing from the world,
the world can not overcome her.

I am boastful, and I am full of pride. This I must change, despite being ingrained in my personality. If I am ever to succeed mentally and physically I will have to learn to keep my mouth shut, and my actions forever in motion.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Leviathan Felled, Watching the Race

I wonder if everyone comes to a point in life where self hate is the only screaming voice inside. I think I have reached this depth.

When I was small.
I did receive glimmers and shades of limelight, enough to satisfy most children. Yet I never gained the notoriety that I desired. I was motivated to excel merely for recognition, and when I came to a higher wall I would quit and focus on another locus of my personality.

I grew up.
I made mistakes over and over. Years of attempts to mold myself into the person I wanted to be resulted in the gift of fakery. I was an expert at positioning myself, I could act accordingly to receive any title I desired. Then I began to realize I did not know who I was. I learned to accept failure so well that I lost fear of it, and came to the realization that there were many paths that I was just not meant for.

I changed.
I started to act the same more and more around all groups, as people became more accepting and less secular around me. I began to excessively overcompensate through extreme arrogance. The knowledge I had assimilated in my quest to be a certain person led me to look down on all those that were without similar knowledge. With an almost Aryan attitude I harboured disdain for those choosing diverging methodology. I reached an epoch in the Army, when I realized how my condescension made me so loathed. I without a doubt did not care.

Now so morose.
I hate the people I associate with, and I hate myself. I want to just leave but I know I cannot. My personality will not let me fail here. I hate how I act around others, a spectacle who makes sure he is seen and heard. An introvert who self promotes to such an intoxicating level, that he eclipses extroverts.

I want the gift of silence, I want to start over.

Increasingly I feel I would rather just watch the race instead of running. I almost would rather just not watch at all because I am losing interest.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Great Words

Blood and destruction shall be so in use
And dreadful objects so familiar
That mothers shall but smile when they behold
Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:
And Caesar's spirit, ranging for revenge,
With Ate by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice
Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war;
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

What Class might you be?

"Bench Press Standards

According to Strength and Speed (Dale Harder, © 2000 Education Plus, available through, a man who weighs 181 pounds is World class if he can bench 435, National class at 420, College star at 330, College letter at 275, and HS star at 215."

Crazy man. I got 325 in high school and I haven't done much benching since. I would like to get back into it.

Nothing Like it

Sometimes in Life you just want to enjoy the finer things. Like Stuffed Camel.

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Animal Website

I love the Animal Nutrition company. I can read their website for hours, so great. Inspiration stuff such as:

"Your body is a machine… a well-oiled precision machine... A machine that is only as good as the fuel which you feed it. Eat shit, well then you may end up looking like shit. Bad food… Foods loaded with saturated fat and sugar are not going to help you build a well-oiled machine. Good fats, good proteins, and low glycemic carbohydrates are the key ingredients to build that machine. Timing… Knowing when to eat different foods and combinations for maximum strength and muscular development. If you don't know, then its time to learn how to grow."

So True. I made some Jello shots tonight and I was laughing to myself because I know that I won't even taste one of them, and I will give them all to my roommate.

I am beyond alcohol, sure I might still drink every so often. However I listen to closely to this machine to ignore signals anymore. Signals like the need for rest, the need for stimulation, and the need for favorite..

There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back. The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds. " -Henry Rollins

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I want to be a day trader

I think it really is the job for me, sitting at home. I can go work out whenever I want. I can persue other interests like real estate, personal training, music, etc.

Exciting stuff.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Michael Nemcik's Facebook profile

Grinding Along

So NoleTv is getting more popular every day so they tell me. Exciting stuff. I think it is going to be much better this spring when I have more time to party, however I do feel like for the most part I am out of the partying phase and focused on the advancement stage.

It is really going by fast this semester. November is around the corner and then December and thats it. Six classes left. Sounds so good to say.

I think I am truly a gym rat at this point. I couldn't even imagine not going these days. I know so many people that go there, I am in a sub culture almost.

I think it is time to make some chili. Anyone have good recipes?

Thursday, October 19, 2006

TV = Bad

Watch CNBC, The History Channel, and Discovery. Maybe a little Lost...

"They further found that in all the Western states, the more time toddlers spent in front of the television, the more likely they were to exhibit symptoms of autism disorders."


God this man is my hero

"The greatest feeling you can get in a gym or the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is the pump. Let's say you train your biceps, blood is rushing in to your muscles and that's what we call the pump. Your muscles get a really tight feeling like your skin is going to explode any minute and its really tight and its like someone is blowing air into your muscle and it just blows up and it feels different, it feels fantastic. It's as satifying to me as cumming is, you know, as in having sex with a woman and cumming. So can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like getting the feeling of cumming in the gym, I'm getting the feeling of cumming at home, I'm getting the feeling of cumming backstage, when I pump up, when I pose out in front of 5000 people I get the same feeling, so I am cumming day and night. Its terrific, right? So I am in heaven."

"On the practice of abstaining from sex prior to a competition, Schwarzenegger rejected that approach: "I get laid on purpose. I can't sleep before a competition and I'm up all night, anyway, so instead of staring at the ceiling I figure I might as well find somebody and fuck." In fact, at the 1972 Mr. Olympia contest, "we had girls backstage giving head, then all of us went out and I won. It didn't bother me at all; in fact, I went out there feeling like King Kong," added Schwarzenegger."

Wow, and this man is now a Governor of one of the largest states in America..

My hero.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

My Knee Hurts

I have chrondromalacia and it sucks....

I should eat some healthy food or something because I think I am getting sick. It really aggravates me when I get sick, especially because I always feel like I get it from someone else is unclean/healthy. So mad, and my nose won't stop running.. It better not effect my workout....

Friday, October 13, 2006

Excellent Lunch Break Reading

The NY times is the best, it has the best columnists and I love reading it. Michael Pollan is the new leader of the war against fructose corn syrup. Read:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that our food supply now sickens 76 million Americans every year, putting more than 300,000 of them in the hospital, and killing 5,000. The lethal strain of E. coli known as 0157:H7, responsible for this latest outbreak of food poisoning, was unknown before 1982; it is believed to have evolved in the gut of feedlot cattle. These are animals that stand around in their manure all day long, eating a diet of grain that happens to turn a cow’s rumen into an ideal habitat for E. coli 0157:H7. (The bug can’t survive long in cattle living on grass.)

Also, excercize is the best cure for everything. Part of my mantra. Read:
“We’re turning people who were heroin addicts, cocaine addicts, crack addicts into marathon runners,” said Peter Provet, the president of Odyssey House. “I really believe it’s a model for other treatment centers.

Lastly, LET THEM HAVE THE BOMB... They aren't going to use it, they just want to be taken seriously. We should just ignore and sanction, why are we pandering...Read:

While the North Koreans could kill a lot of people, they do not pose as great a threat to world security as imperial Japan did. Never have they shown any interest in forging an empire. All the same, the irrationality of their worldview is such that we should, at the very least, stop assuming that they would never use their own weaponry.

I want to dance like this kid

And here is some assorted Friday squirrel knowlege I stole from a myspace
Squirrels belong to the order Rodentia. There are 365 species. They mate twice a year. Their nests are called dreys. Their sweat glands are on their feet. They can run 20 miles an hour. Their teeth never stop growing. Gnawing keeps squirrels' teeth from growing into their necks. When frightened, they dart back and forth to confuse predators. This doesn't work with cars, however, so most city squirrels don't live longer than a year. Although considered granivores, they will eat almost anything. Gray squirrels bury their acorns all over the place, then forget where. Forgotten acorns become trees. This forgetfulness is the main way oak and other hardwood forests grow and spread, scientists say. Gray squirrels are called "living fossils" because they haven't changed much in 37 million years.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


Now that is a woman.

To eat or not to eat

"To his mind, the 65 percent of Americans who are overweight or obese got that way, in part, because they didn’t realize how much they were eating. "

Interesting article in the Times about eating and perception...

"For example, sit next to the person you think will be the slowest eater when you go to a restaurant, and be the last one to start eating. Plate high-calorie foods in the kitchen but serve vegetables family style. Never eat directly from a package. Wrap tempting food in foil so you don’t see it. At a buffet put only two items on your plate at a time."

You can't go wrong with guess the meat age guessing game.. I need to go shopping today.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Midday Muse

10 Things you Didn't know.. We don't even have Caribou coffee in this town, for shame i've heard it is good..

Another great informational post over at Freakonomics. I can't wait read this book.. it is on my Zooba list..

Wednesday, October 4, 2006


Cow tipping explained.
I really don't think it actually takes 4 people to do it, I know if you get a running start it is much easier. I love the fact that people think you need to get one person behind the cow to actually tip it, they wake up easily.

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

The Economics of Drugs

How much longer will it take? California is leading the way and while I don't really advocate excessive drug use, a Nobel Peace prize winning economist and one of the greatest thinkers of our time agrees. Listen to the whole argument. I think his best point is that Law does not prohibit drugs from existing and never will (via a discussion of prohibition and the free market).

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Today is the Day

We've never played this opponent but I think I feel like an NCAA athlete must feel like when it is their game day. Everyone I know is going to be there watching, on the sidelines. First home game of the season, I just wish my body was 100%. I have been thinking about it all week, visualizing the tackling, the rucking, the running, and most of all the pain.

I was explaining the game to a girl last night at a party of where I got wasted on water, I was shaking with excitement. I get pumped up just talking about it and this ZMA is fueling my testosterone to new heights. I hope they are a formidable team that we can crush through skill and power.

Damn I love rugby, and today is a rugby day.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Catching up

I was so happy today was my day off from training. I knew there would be no way that I could do any serious lifting with all my injuries right now. I think I carry them well but my body is hurting everywhere and I just want to heal as fast as I used too.

I ruptured blood vessels in my forearm from a stiff elbow giving it a nasty purple hue as well as making sleep very difficult. I cannot do any type of curling motion and it pulses with pain as the blood spills from my veins into muscle tissue. I was punched in the collar bone yesterday at practice, which is swollen and painful, and my left side delt is severely strained from doing cable crunches in bad form or some rugby related incident. My wrists are the worst, I have to tape them at practice as the left, weakened from last years hand fracture and the right twisted from an 85lb dumbbell make daily tasks very difficult.

I'm getting more sleep and drinking more green tea but I know I need to take time off to heal, I just can't. Momentum I would describe much like a heroin addict would smack; If I stop I am depressed and malcontent. I have been doing well discipline wise as I have not gone out one weeknight in a while, however I have to start working harder at school. I am behind in everything.

Dead Lifts yesterday went splendid, they are quickly becoming my favorite lift. I love the wrist straps, and my new play list thrusts and drives my body to action.

So today I rest, and tomorrow I return. We play Embry Riddle this weekend and since it is a home game I must bring the pain like I am known to dispense. Sunday will find me a pile of bones and worn cartilage collapsed upon the couch.

On a side note, I would love to date a woman that is an accomplished horse rider. Going for my first lesson yesterday and watching some girls move through a trot to gallop my mind could only imagine the possibilities with such inner thigh development :)


"I’m a real sucker for this fall stuff. But tell me this: who doesn’t love sweaters and scarves and boots and layers? He who denies the lure of fall is a big, fat liar."

Yes the low today is 59 degrees in lovely Tallahassee.

I went horse back riding today for the first time in what my mother argued hasn't been such a long time. It was so glorious, there are many things to be said about a wild majestic beast. I could instantly see how the Spaniards could so easily have conquered central and south America with them, I mean you are so high off the ground it is amazing. My horse was kind of fat and lazy but I loved it. I kept thinking as I watched all the little girls riding expertly and my big huge self struggling to maintain that I would have loved regular lessons as a child.

Someday I want some powerful Arabian stallions, a whole stable of them. Now that would be tight, kind of like this guy but not in my bed :)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Brings a Smile to My face

When asked why Toyota will soon become the number one auto maker in the world an executive replied ""American automakers are in trouble because their products are no good," Noguchi said. The challenge for Toyota would be guarding against eroding profitability as it lifts vehicle sales, he said." BuisnessWeek

Hahah! Can't you just see him wearing samurai clothing saying that with a heavy accent. American BAD! Japanese way! BEST! HAI!

I'm all for it. My entire life, I have always affirmed that I will never buy an American car. I could care about domestic industry when we produce crap like say anything Ford or Chevy makes excluding trucks. I hate trucks, but the Toyota Tacoma is rather sporty looking :)

Oh, and for the second time, Krispy Kreme appointed an Ex Tobacco Exec to the board. Hahahah. Can we say death, America?

Monday, September 18, 2006

Good Info

One thing that we know is that we have 100 times more stress than our grandfathers. One study showed that just wearing your cell phone on your hip lowers androgen levels by 31% due to what's probably a combination of stress and low-level radiation... and cell phones weren't as popular when that study came out.

A few months ago I dropped having a cell phone. People can get a hold of me through email or by calling my office. My stress levels probably went down by 50%.

The University of Montreal did a study and found that the average cop has a body fat of 23%. The average felon's body fat was 8%. The average cop's VO2Max was 37; the average felon's was 55. There is a trend toward changing this, but if you look at European cops verses North American cops, the difference is stellar.

Say what you will about Victor Conte, but when he came out with
ZMA, he solved America's two greatest deficiencies: zinc and magnesium.

In addition to the above HCl protocols, here are a few other suggestions to normalize your stomach acid levels. First, avoid carbonated drinks. Second, avoid all-you-can-eat buffets, as they're America's leading source of food-borne pathogens."

Testosteron Nation is a great site. The science of our bodies is amazing. I take ZMA regularly now and I think it is a excellent product. I feet a surge in testosterone right away.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Vinegar and Piss

"The doors rattle open. You step inside and take stock... Everything is as it should be. You take a deep breath... The air is stale, sour, familiar. Like vinegar and piss. Fuck yeah, you’re home. Shit, you even got your own set of keys to the place. In here, there’s no time for bullshit. No place to put your feet up. It’s quiet--nothing but the sound of metal on metal. No one looks up as you step forward. There’s too much work to be done. You visualize how the next seventy minutes are gonna go down. Brutality, hostility, anger by the bucketful. Your pulse quickens. The blood starts boiling. It’s time to lay down the hammer… So the question I have is simple brothers. Do you feel this way each and every time you enter the gym? Does the stink of fear and trepidation mingled with excitement race through your blood? It does for me. I’m a kid in the candy store and everything’s free... ; "

I love these ads. So inspiring for me everytime I read one. Next week i'm going to shift training back to the AM because I just don't have the afternoon time to do it any longer, especially since I am going back to 6 days a week. This last rugby game I played suprisingly well but I did not run as hard as I could have; I was more fit then I expected to be.

Expectations are nothing though, this spring is matrix season, where games count and I will have one last shot at solidifying a legacy before I leave this college. You can always tell the hardest motherfucker on the rugby pitch, he is in every breakdown, he charges straight into his opponents head on, knuckles bloody, hitting the hardest, and he is the person they give the rock when it is time to drive, he stops the maul, he drives the scrum.

I will be that person and it is going to take some tree trunk legs and incredible pace. Monday begins Phase II of my 12 weeks of turmoil.

Deep Thoughts

With his net worth hovering around $50B, Bill Gates could cover all the expenses of every American for a year and still be in sole possession of #12 on of the Forbes 400 list of richest persons. According to the U.S. department of Commerce, in Q2 of 2006 the average(?) American spent the majority of their personal income on, and this was a big surprise, medical care.


the average American with a net worth of over $1,000,000 doesn't earn as much as you'd think. Many (92%) earned less than $100,000/ year.

Nice article from Debt Free

Efficient Markets
8 Qualites of an Expert

Funny Stuff

Sorry, I just got such a laugh out of this.

Monday, September 11, 2006

What a way to go

Ok wait, this is even better.

And yes, I am a quarter Slovak for all of you that where wondering, we do have to get our kicks somehow.

Come up with a Caption for this Picture

This is really disturbing.

"Earlier we distributed condoms at wine shops and bars, through milk vendors and at pan (tobacco) shops but we met with lukewarm response," says Ashok Kumar, the director of Andhra Pradesh State for AIDS Control Society.

Here is your wine sir, oh and please enjoy a condom as well.

Wrap it up my brown brothers.

Saturday, September 2, 2006


"Without struggle, there is no growth." Sayeth my good friend and often inspirational source of knowledge, Theory.

She has been blogging for a while and always has something good to say. Ever since high school she has always been a step ahead and I like having someone to catch.

I've been doing a lot of partying lately but in the back of my mind I have kept my covenant to discipline fresh in my mind. I'm starting my training this Monday and I have resolved to only go out one night a school week and then whatever on weekends. Sleep is going to be important for success.

There are a few schools of thought that I have encountered when discussing productivity. One would argue that removing one self from negative stimuli is the key to maximizing personal production and while I agree that while this is always beneficial, I belong to the school of success under any constraints.

I should be able to split a hair with all the noise and distraction in the world bearing down upon me. I want to be that good, concentration honed and polished like a knife edge. If I can not control myself under fire, then let me be consumed.

There is no fire. There is only goal, determination, and the path.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Don't get addicted

I am guilty of starting many a person on the Sudoku craze. Here is the next one Tringo is crazy. Have fun kids ;)

In other news Lamb of God released their new CD last week, Sacrament. Some quality metal but overall I think I wasn't as impressed as I could have been.

Unearth's new effort, III is visceral and incendiary. Makes me want to hit some weights or the rugby field.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

it beckons

Lying in bed tonight strumming a few low frequency notes and I felt it again. Sometimes I'm not sure if it is an addiction but now I'm beginning to feel that it is on the one thing in this world that I cannot walk away from. It whispers to me like soft tremors that I feel in my cartilage.

I am weak because I have a bacterial infection from this strep throat, but I don't need these painkillers I am prescribed. I need my pain and I miss it, I will welcome it when it returns to me like a veteran from distant war.

I felt the sides of my ribcage, tender from a few push ups at rugby practice. All too familiar for this body that heals slowly each night, waiting for the chance to perform.

If you are not going heavy then go the fuck home. If you are not laying on the bathroom floor and people are not walking buy you asking you why your sweat is a puddle. If your eyes are not bloodshot and you cannot feel the veins spidering across the reach of your skull, fighting to supply oxygen to your head.

Do not grate your flesh with the coarse beauty that are those grips, the unkind steel that never tires of war.

I have been away for three weeks now. I have to go back, I have to set my play list and lay out my clothes. I have to to lace my shoes and tighten my straps. I have to wear sweat pants and an oversize shirt that I might not gaze upon an imperfect frame. Monday, I'm going back. In sickness or in health, till death do us part.

Stuck in my head today

Stone Sour - Through the Glass Lyrics

"I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head"

Such a cool little song. I think they are so much better that that abortion of music called Slipknot. A lot of new music out lately. I really like Rick Ross's Port of Miami, many good guest stars on it as well.

I love TCM. Old movies are so so so much better than the ones that come out today. I watch crap like Pirates of the Caribbean and compare it to the masterpieces, the intricately woven stories from master story tellers and directors.

H.M. Pulham, Esq. was a movie I say the other night with one of the most beautiful women, Hedy Lamarr. Such a great story that can appeal to everyone at ever age.

I love European actresses, such lips, such features... Just beautiful. For me you can't beat that dark hair and dark eyes combination.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Happy Endings

"Strip shows have been commonly used to attract more mourners to funerals, as villagers believe a crowded send-off brings more honor to the deceased, Xinhua news agency said."

Thats exactly how I want to go. Hot asian women dancing on my dead body while my relatives get free lap dances.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Indiana University

They where ranked number one party school a few years back for a reason apparently. I went up there for vacation these last few weeks and this story isn't very hard to believe. "Among the students taken to the hospital were: a male student who was found by an IU police officer 'asleep' in the Institute for Social Research wearing only his boxer shorts; an 18-year-old female student who was taken by ambulance after she vomited in the lobby of Eigenmann Hall; and a male student who police found unconscious in the front lawn of Phi Mu sorority. Additionally, a 19-year-old male student was arrested and hospitalized after stumbling through traffic on Indiana Avenue. Officers also responded to calls of dangerously intoxicated students at Foster-Gresham Dining Hall, McNutt Quad and Alpha Omicron Pi sorority."

Wow, now that is starting the semester off right!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Women and Choices

Plan B "Common side effects associated with the use of Plan B� included nausea, abdominal pain, tiredness, headache, menstrual changes, dizziness, breast tenderness, and vomiting."

I mean, I don't think that a woman should be restricted in her choices. We men can do whatever we want, get whatever medication we want, and no one cares when we contracept.

I still think it is wrong. It isn't kosher to end life wherever it starts, that life could have been you even if you had not attached your self to the uterus or achieved fertilization yet. I know I have rejoiced at the knowledge of women being on the pill, but I still don't think it is right. Such a Dilemma.

Sleepy OreoSauce: it is sort of depressing
Sleepy OreoSauce: that things have to be this way
jechie11: have to be what way
jechie11: i am concerned now
Sleepy OreoSauce: why?
jechie11: explain what you mean by "things have to be this way"
Sleepy OreoSauce: Sad that it is a joyous day for women when they have greater ability to inhibit life

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

From the Not Fair Department

Official Google Blog: I scream for (Google) ice cream:

"Served only in our Mountain View cafe, it's even got a Google logo on the wrapper"

Not that I really eat sweets that often, but this is just obscene. If they did rice crispie treats I'd already be filling out an application.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Nightmares and Dreams

Watching Beirut die | Salon Life: "A Lebanon I never got to know, a Beirut I didn't get to show the world disappears slowly over the horizon -- a beautiful dream turned nightmare."

I love Bourdain, think he is very candid and a great Chef. If you have time read this good account of these last few weeks. Must have been crazy, my sister is planning on traveling to Lebanon soon to visit the grave of her recently departed husband.

I saw the fireworks today that the Lebanese people set off in the streets as they returned to their homes. At what price one has to ask, for God only knows what is going to happen in to this area.

400% Oxygenated!

NRDC: Bottled Water: Pure Drink or Pure Hype?:

"NRDC's study included testing of more than 1,000 bottles of 103 brands of bottled water. While most of the tested waters were found to be of high quality, some brands were contaminated: about one-third of the waters tested contained levels of contamination -- including synthetic organic chemicals, bacteria, and arsenic -- in at least one sample that exceeded allowable limits under either state or bottled water industry standards or guidelines."

I've always had an idea. I keep seeing this water bottle out now called "smart water." I want to make a product called Dumb Water(TM). Dumb water is exactly the same as smart water except for the fact that it doesn't purport to be anything other than water in a cool bottle.

I'm sure people would buy it because science has proven that apparently the reason why people buy bottled water is because they are dumb, and are paying for packaging.

But it tastes better than tap water. Sure it tastes better without the higher lead content, sure. Better enough to warrant 4$?

I think the best water I ever tasted was the crisp cold mountain spring that spayed forth from the spigots in the front lawns of my youth. It was hot, I was was thirsty, and the water was water.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Chicago sounds like the destination

Water, Water, Everywhere, and Plenty to Drink - New York Times:

"Ray Poe, a 38-year-old real estate developer, has seen how a $400,000 investment in a 43-foot Carver motor yacht can pave the way for an extravagant life after hours. He bought the boat earlier this year on a whim and now he has some 30 people most weekend days on his boat about 20 of them women and hauls sound equipment, along with vodka, beer and ice for Brian Pfeiffer, a promoter for a club called Surreal Chicago. In return, he is welcomed into the V.I.P. rooms of many clubs in town. “When you own a boat, everyone is your new friend,” Mr. Poe said."

I know I'm going to do a big city when I graduate, I enjoy the conveniencece and access to rare goods that small towns don't offer. I loved Chicago when I went there as a child and I think it might just have the perfect mix of accoutrements. The top super leauge rugby team, great pizza, midwest location, huge financial job opportunities, water, and night life.

Friday, August 11, 2006

From the Sage Advice Department

Wealth Building World � Will You Ever Be Rich?:

"The truth is many of them became millionaires by not being extravagant. They don’' spend everything they have. They save. They maintain. They make wise decisions.

They understand that status symbols are not'’t what make you rich."

WOW. That is the summation of the primary way in which I am to make it big. Continue to live this college lifestyle well after I am graduated and earning a higher salary.

I am one of those people that will probably never own a watch or jewels, I just can't bring myself to spend that much money on a rock or something that measures time. (Time...A man made invention at that. )

I prefer to spend on things that actually provide physical benefit; food is always a weakness however...

Be Nice to Mr. Liver - David Robson - Alcohol's Effects On Body Fat. Can We Have It Both Ways?:

"Alcohol, whenever taken in, is the first fuel to burn. While that's going on, your body will not burn fat. This does not stop the weight loss, it simply postpones it, since the alcohol does not store as glycogen, and you immediately go back into ketosis/lipolysis after the alcohol is used up."

I love the fact that college students think that they are "living it up" right now by binge drinking.. Like our liver is just this regenerative organ that can be detoxified or something. We are doing permanent damage to it when we drink so much.

I do drink a lot on occasion, however you won't catch me chugging beers on a regular basis.

Recession? / Comment & analysis / Comment - The world must prepare for America's recession:

"The odds that the US will slide into recession have risen since last month from 50 per cent to 70 per cent by my estimates."

Says Nouriel Roubini, a economics professor. I agree, we've been bull much to long and it is time. I personally enjoy holding short positions on stocks much more than long ones, I like watching things plummet!

This can't be good for America though, I predict that my generation and the next are going to be in for some major problems when we reach middle ages. Perpetual war, debt and virtually no savings can't be a good cocktail.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Bull Pin

How long, on average, is a baseball actually in play during a ballgame?:

"Sports Illustrated columnist Rick Reilly timed a ball in play during a 2000 playoff game. The game lasted 3 hours and 15 minutes, and the ball was in play a total of 12 minutes and 22 seconds (and Reilly admitted to being 'generous with the stopwatch')"

They say that baseball requires the hardest skills in American sports. I've also heard this argument with hockey and soccer goal keepers.

I think it is hard to argue against the true gamut of physic al taxation that rugby requires of the body. The best players utilize so many skills simultaneously that advanced muscularity is a necessity. I wonder how it stacks up against soccer or tennis?

The Big Problem

America's Drunk on Credit [ Motley Fool Take] August 9, 2006:

"According to the latest figures from the Federal Reserve, consumer credit, otherwise known as non-mortgage loans to individuals, rose in June by $10.3 billion to $2.19 trillion. Revolving debt, like credit cards, accounted for $6.65 billion, or roughly 65%, of the increase."

That is so freaking insane. I'm really looking into buying Citibank and Bank of America stock, they look really good paying great dividends.

I'm aggressively planning to cut my debt out, as I have been guilty of just letting it linger costing me so much money over the years.

I just started using this program called Pearbudget that I found via LifeHacker and I would recommend it to anyone. Much simpler than Quicken or M$ Money and much more functional, especially if you are proficient enough in excel to manipulate formulas.

Soon I'll be post some screen shots of what I've got going.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Metaphysical Power Print: The Invisible Grip:

"A PERSON'S GAZE has weight, resistance, muscularity."

This is so true, especially if you've got piercing blues like my father.

Impending Doom Department

5/8/2006 -- The Deluded World of Air Conditioning:

"If you've seen this planet lately, you know what's going on: temperature records shattering, scores of Americans dead. By summer's end, the toll will be in the hundreds. It's not as bad as 2003, when a heat wave killed 30,000 people in Europe. But according to global-warming forecasts, within 40 years, every other summer will be like that one."

I wish we outlawed SUV's. They really annoy me.

Monday, August 7, 2006

Give the Dog a Bone

BBC NEWS | World | Asia-Pacific | Second Chinese dog cull planned:

"In a five-day cull, dogs were clubbed to death in the street as their owners watched. Other dog owners took matters into their own hands, poisoning or electrocuting their pets."

Die lassie die. While it does seem inhumane, I admire the Chinese for their tenacity in dealing with problems. They solve them, they do it fast, and they don't answer questions about it.

Sunday, August 6, 2006

What is this test on again?

How To Improve Your Study Habits and Remember Better - College-University:

"if you're a student attending classes, you have probably experienced many moments when it was hard to make yourself settle down and study, even when an important exam was coming up."

I find that cramming allows me to focus better because I know it is go time, that I have to do it now or else. I work well under pressure, but I think this article offers some interesting insight.

You too can be genius

Studies of the mental processes of chess grandmasters have revealed clues to how people become experts in other fields as well:

"Studies of the mental processes of chess grandmasters have revealed clues to how people become experts in other fields as well"

Check this out, great evidence for an interesting concept.

Omar Deckard's food plan includes cheat days, allowing him to stay lean and keep growing

I like this eating philosophy. The fat is good for testosterone and positive psychology.

The Deckard diet:

* Train consistently from the get-go. 'You create the best foundation for muscle growth by training your body consistently at an early age.'

* Start your nutrition program when you're young. 'By supplying your body with the nutrients it needs at a time when your body is naturally growing, you'll be able to get even more muscle growth. This will put you ahead of the game in the long run.'

* Never compromise your health for growth. 'Good health is the key to growth. If you make choices that negatively impact your health, you may make short-term gains, but ultimately these decisions will come back to haunt you.'"

Saturday, August 5, 2006

This is Great

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Take the highway to the end of the night

Well things are about to change again in a big way, as always it seems. My life fades into the construct of ellipsis, an uncompleted thought yet fulfilled in the respect that we are all incomplete.

They say that luck is opportunity intersecting with preparation, yet lately it seems more divinity than opportunity.

I am in continually incredulous at the true nature of people, character judgment seems to forever be a weakness of mine. To be inconvenienced is an annoyance, yet only when we bare the burden the inconvenience possesses gravity. I must be ruthless from now on, I need to consider that no one is on my side but me.

I try to ignore my thoughts of personal responsibility for situations in which I have little control. Yet I can not seem to manage the desire for greater foresight in my continual analysis of lesser hindsight.

The slow train moves, busting its levers and warping its track..
Next stop: Inconsequential, so long as it remains far from the beginning.

What will I do when I get there, what will I do if I don't? I know that there is nothing here for me, but there might not be anything there, either.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Mate. Feed. Kill. Repeat.

They called us a dead generation, they told us that we wouldn't survive
They left us alone in the maelstrom
As you can see we're all plenty alive
We know where you are and were coming
Lets see you say that shit to our face

...Stone Sour is pretty good stuff..

Monday, July 24, 2006

On Pain and Existence

If one considers this as an outsider looking in, one would wonder why the writer feels as if he is deserving of "pain" and "punishment". What would cause a person to crave physical pain and suffering? Are these extremes simply to mask something else that lurks just beneath the surface? I wonder..

Great example of a person that is living for today, a soul that knows not the true function of pain in this world. As the previous quote implied, pain is something we carry with us because it shows us who we are. I am interested in knowing myself, understanding my limitations and the nature of the body God has given.

Plato said that is would be shame if any citizen did not train their bodies as well as their minds, because they are gifts to be utilized. What other creature on earth can improve themselves as vastly as a human?

The human race is deserving of punishment because countless times in history we have gone against God, and it was the sacrifice of Jesus that was made to be the guide for our lives. Jesus endured pain and he welcomed his fate, and so I will endure and welcome mine. It is about patience and impermanence.

African tribes scar themselves as a reminder of what lies beneath the surface. Only those that would wish to ignore the daily struggle would call my musings extreme. Winston Churchill comments that only those who are successful can write history, when I reach success my methods will not be looked upon as extreme, but sound.

I like the movie Apocalypse Now because it illustrates perfectly this fact, where his methods unsound because he was not favored, or because they where truly unsound. Sure he went off the deep end, but he was a warrior in a war. Should one not wage such to the best of their ability, enacting that however barbarous and uncivilized to achieve victory? That is the question that I ask, Mr. Anonymous.


"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they are afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. Its all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, your letting society destroy you and reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain." -Jim Morrison

I keep returning to it like a carrier pigdeon. I might circle around a few times, take a few detours, but I'm still going towards the same destination.

Hit the gym today, burned legs really hard. I came home and lied on the cool tiles outside in the hallway. I felt sick and fatigued because my legs where shaking and I was so bloated from the liters of water I had drank. I swallowed bites of protein rich yoghurt and skinless chicken. I contemplated, I often do the scope of my aims at this coordinate in my life trajectory.

It has been a long time since my I could ponder what will be such a drastically different life in one year's time, things are going to be radically different. I'm rolling now, things are picking up speed. I noticed that this time I got down, and I am down right now...I'm far from out. I'm still going and I'm only increasing the volume knob to near full blast.

I pulled my first all nighter to write a paper last week, this week is going to be hell because I have to write two, move out, skate buy on minimal food, and work full days at both jobs all by next weekend.

It is getting tough, but I'm going punish myself further. I discussed future ideas and opportunities on the phone tonight. Every bone is craving assets like they crave calcium. This Fall will be the trial by fire. I will not fail because it is not an option.

Friday, July 21, 2006

dark clouds

I always seem too lose at chess. When I was younger and played in the club, I seemed to be able to capitalize on someone else's mistake or weakness. I could win fairly easily because I would sacrifice pieces waiting for my opponent to make that fatal mistake.

I remember in sixth grade we had a Russian exchange student that spoke very little English, we would play chess all throughout class and he would beat me over and over. I never got tired of playing him, a marvel for a child with such poor tolerance for losing. I would watch him and it was almost if he could calculate the board, where as I would focus only on what my pieces could do. He brought out his queen so early and devastated me with swift devastating moves. I took solace in the fact that I could always wipe the board clean and start over.

I think it was at this time when I lost much of my motivation. I realized that I didn't have what it takes to beat him, nor did I even have the will to try. I recognized his superior abilities and I looked for unorthodox illusory methods of victory that never materialized. I realized that I couldn't win, and I was fine with it.

I'm still not a good chess player despite enjoying the game. I'm not a good player in the game of life either. I know some would look on my successes and argue that they garner merit in their own means yet I know that I have merely scraped by my entire life. My own mother often questions why weightlifting is the only thing I have tired my hardest at in my entire life.

Depression grips my soul these dense sweaty days. I force myself to try, and work harder yet the true problem is I feel like I have no passion for this world. I feel already that I have known all I really want to know. There is nothing great for me to do, that god gave me above average talents across the board with no great direction to follow. Sure, I want more material gain, but I can't take any of that with me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just ready to find out what's next. These bones are tired because my soul tires them. I often think that I don't have much time left living in this society, that soon I will seek escape to somewhere unknown that I might find a purpose other than driving my body into ashes and my mind into abyss.

Monday, July 17, 2006

We Come out Blastin

Ephesians 2:12 That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world.

Recent events are reminders that even though it would appear no one is at the helm, someone is faithfully manning the fifty cal. Everyone seems to be in the trough of the sine wave lately, including myself. I have been deeply depressed this Indian summer; fed up with females, disenfranchised with nightlife, and broke. Months past I was riding the wave of success, wasting plentiful money, and sluggishly continuing my advance. Now I find myself in the dregs. I didn't go to the gym one time last week, I can't recall the last week when this was so.

My family has experienced some specific gravitational agony bringing us all closer albeit not rendering any solutions. I have returned to dual employment status at the cusp of financial ruin, hard to imagine as my bottom line was ballooning in months past how the ink is now so bleak. Donald Trump, in an effort to raise money for one of his new casinos offered junk bonds with extremely low security in hopes that investors would purchase on the whim of his merit. Needless to say they made millions and just like Wesley Snipes would say "Always bet on black!"

I'm coming back in a big way 2006-2007 is to be the year of my reincarnation. With some considerable steam billowing into the pocket of my hot air balloon like 33 credits in two semesters on the way to 50 in three. I've realized that the root of my financial trouble is not merely rooted in lack of self-discipline, but the larger affliction of poor planning. Financial success is solely shifting into the crosshairs that inhabit the apex of my goals, whatever the means.

They say if you take big risks life is much more interesting. I say it is time for some risky business.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Yin and Yang

Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful. Mark Victor Hansen
Lately it seems, as the days lengthen like limbs bound and thrown upon the rack that I have faltered in my quest. Yet I am ever joyous, I can still feel the embers of determination glowing despite the set backs. The gains come steady like the advance of some large fighting force, ever amassing power and victory.

I've been playing chess online a lot lately, I thought I was better than I am. I analyze my moves more after I've made them than before. It is almost as if my hindsight is better than my foresight. I refuse to believe this and play opponents that best me religiously, that I might slowly learn my weaknesses.

Allowing the physical desires to control my mental fortitude is like watching cracks in the foundation spider; I am reminded of them when I see my veins buldge from exercize like some lucid fantasy of a vagrant heroin addict. I must be ready with new mortar, I must train myself to deal with the heat and not hide from its punishment.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Modus Operandi

I write because it is only half time at the preseason match up that is my current life and near future.

Been pretty quiet this month, not many points scored.

Sad, but maybe indicative of some greater effect of the stimulants of this earth that it is every so often I come upon a revelation; thus that fits the key groves of this life which holds my consciousness.

The gain came like heavy snow, random and ever increasing full of beauty and danger. My accomplishments and paths were becoming lucid like polished tin.

I have not yet tasted failure, I am still moving with considerable steam. Lately I have been skipping a few steps and tripping every so often. I have realized that it is time to slam it into high gear again. This will now be my mantra:

You will succeed not because you are the smartest nor the strongest, but because your discipline is forged in the iron furnace of pain. You will achieve because you can take more pain and suffering than anyone; you aren't like others in this race. You have been broken only to come back harder, and it is the blood and the fear that make you hungry. You love the pain because it makes you stronger, you push further because you cannot see nor accept your limits. God will destroy this earth again, and there
will be nothing, and nothing is in your way but you.

Force yourself.

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

And I built this will from steel

Here rests the tired body that holds the soul of a man driven by ambition. It becomes an obsession this lust for affluence, it moves with such gravity in my mind that the contradictions of my existence I feel can no longer hold me.

I constantly question if it is Fear. As I have always maintained that I have known mental adversity and physical displeasure to a certain degree that I feel transformed, almost finding such conditions favorable. I feel as if I can no longer accept my surroundings. Where, where does my motivation sprout I ask the insides of my eyelids many of these recent nights.

Summer has arrived in Tallahassee and you can feel it in the ancient asphalt, crackled and searching for water. There are some in this world that are called to serve a purpose, goaded by personal desire to fulfill some task which they have grown to enjoy. I have no have hopes, goals, dreams, or belief that God will call me one day to some task that I will know I was meant to do. Yet here, in the critical cog of the machine that is personal evolution my mind is forcing the foundations.

I question if it is fear, fear that if I donÂ’t act now I will not reach my only aspiration; the sole thing that will find me an unhappy older man. I have realized that the love of success in its true form is a trait when possessed never leaves its keeper. Why the hustler at the pool hall can never put down his stick, why the investor still reads the finance section in comfortable retirement, and why the Billionaire still has to fly around the world. They love and enjoy the things that brought them success. I know that I am not seduced by the vehicle; I only want the checkered flag.

There are many things that I enjoy but that seldom translates into one occupation, yet I am searching. I have no desire to give to society, to serve a purpose, or to see my name anywhere. I just want the money.

Am I working hard now because I am afraid that if I donÂ’t do it now I wonÂ’t reach the upper class? Or am I just becoming aware of the opportunity to push myself?

Whichever my muse, I am watching myself gather the discipline. I make mistakes but the mark is still set. For the first time in a long time, maybe even my life, I want to work harder. I want the money, the car, the yacht, and I want it soon.

Monday, May 1, 2006

Act the Part

I was watching Meet the Fockers the other day and came upon a thought. If anyone hasn't seen the movie, which I doubt, they will notice that there are two types of parents in the film. One set are extremely obsessive compulsive, particular, conservative, etc.. While the other set are liberated, emotional, accepting, not strict, etc..

Now obiviously they each have their own comedic pitfalls and behaviors that make the movie interesting but there was a discernible difference in their natures that I felt was quite illustrative in many interactional difficulties that I encounter on a regular basis with my peers. As a child of divorce my mother was one set and my father was the other.

Frequently I have noticed that I have had greater difficulty with not sweating the small things, humility, and rude comments in mixed company. I know that these difficulties stem from the unaccepting nature that I possess; a distaste for certain attitudes and behaviors.

I grew up with the liberal parent accepting of everything and extremely liberal. When I moved to live with the other parent at a key juncture in my adolescence I was exposed to the conservative parent. I immediately rejected the new rules and longed for my original environment, however as I aged and progressed along the path of life I came to realize that the conservative and disciplined approach to life is the one that breeds the most success.

There are some people that think that the primary concern at all times should be to have a good time and to be happy in all of their actions. I disagree, I think that the greatest happiness comes from things you work the hardest for.

I am often called extremely negative, and while I do think that I look at the harshest side of life, I am not entirely negative. I am realistic to the point of being hypercritical, and it is this critical nature that drives me to always look for flaws.

There are hordes and multitudes who hate this trait, who think that I am a downer ( like my roommate who regularly chimes that we would "never be friends" if we did not cohabitate.) So hate me because I choose to look at the problem rather than the bright side. I am not a 'why not', I am a 'why.' Why is 22 too young to be worrying about future finances or investing? Why is 'because your in college' a reason to punish your liver and fuck your body up permanently?

I realize that it is time to start acting the part again. I have lapses of laziness and excess yet the Spartan man is a successful one. I can no further continue fruitless endeavors, it compromises my ideals.

It is time again to return to self discipline. Obedience is the greatest freedom.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Eye of the Beholder

I think every person deep inside has a desire to be at least considered a person of goodness and can hold true to a set or morals.

First off, what a horribly constructed sentence. Mr. Anonymous...

Further, I have no such desire; as black men so often tattoo on their arms, "only God can judge me." I don't feel that my morals are flawed, nor that I am not a good person.
I find it hard to believe that you wake up each morning with that desire to be an asshole.
No, I wake up every morning pondering how to fuck with someone new, I find such joy in aggravation.
I think when those morals are challenged by fear... anger... loneliness... betrayal, you tend to lose faith and trust in any and all your relationships.
Are you drunk? What morals are you taking about? My personal beliefs lead me to aggravate others more when I feel that they are lacking in some area but I think being an ass has nothing to do with morals.
Maybe this is why you feel your life is so void of meaning and lonely.

Thanks, but I thought my life was quite splendid.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain..

Every so often I become lost in the wilderness; I feel the urge to drop everything and everyone and just voyage. Finals are next week, there is a short time between summer school and now that just feels empty, void of meaning, and boring.

I need another job, it is always the answer. I applied at Logans Roadhouse (what a fucking joke) and if that falls through I suppose I'll actually have to go fill out applications at places, my 8-5 day job just bores the hell out of me but I'm sticking with it because it is great for me.

I was reading some Jim Morrison stuff today and I found some interesting quotes:

Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it's usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.


Pain is something to carry, like a radio.
You feel your strength in the experience of pain.

So true from the dead philosopher....Pain is good, just like captain kirk said.
Kirk: Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away. I need my pain.

I received many messages about my last post (why doesn't anyone comment..?) regarding my assholishness. Most to the tune of "we've been telling you this your whole life", and "you are just now realizing this?" That's what friends are for.

I suppose, in a discussion the other night with the significant other that I did have a revelation that I am not humble. I think one of my new efforts will be to curb the necessicity to correct others, especially when their opinion's are insignificant to the course of my existence.

Ok ok, and I think I know everything too, that needs work as well...

Monday, April 17, 2006

"Barbarism is the natural state of mankind. . Civilization is unnatural. It is a whim of circumstance. And barbarism must always ultimately triumph"

Sleepy OreoSauce: You don't exercise
Sleepy OreoSauce: You don't' read
ufsuperjenn24: what?
ufsuperjenn24: are you serious?
Sleepy OreoSauce: You aren't abreast of current issues
ufsuperjenn24: I jog all the time
Sleepy OreoSauce: to the fridge? That doesn't count..
ufsuperjenn24: I am currently reading a novel and always start another when I'm done
ufsuperjenn24: fuck you
ufsuperjenn24: you can stop talking to me know

Why am I such an asshole? I have ponderd the question much over these past few weeks. Why do I mock and prod my peers, goading them with judgements masked as inquiries?

I remember when I first started playing rugby back at UCF, I was so attracted to the sport not because of the foreign skills or the new challange, but it was because I felt there were so many players that were better than I. I would have to struggle just to be average.

Woody Allen says in Annie Hall that there is an old Groucho Marx joke that says: I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would have me for a member. I think it is a similar ideal; I wouldn't have anything to say if I didn't feel like I was lowering myself in certain company. Yet why do I do it?

I think that only a fool would believe that he could associate with thieves and never be tempted to steal. Hence my critique and new goals for Spring and Summer 06.


1. I've stuck to working out and seen some good results.
2. I held down 3 jobs and attended as many classes as possible.
3. I've taken steps to become financially sound.

1. I haven't recorded any progress, and I haven't kept my eating in check.
2. I quit 2 of my jobs and haven't looked for another since.
3. I haven't saved anywhere near enough and have continued to waste money.

1. Develop advanced eating plan
2. Continually work to eliminate those who compromise me
3. Suppliment income with new employment.
4. Take steps toward Auto Mechanical Knowledge
5. Finish screenplay

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Self As Sanctuary

Being Always At Home

It is natural to become attached to the people, places, and things in our lives that provide us with a sense of consistency and stability, but it is important to remember that no matter how reliable they are for a time, they are subject, as all things are, to the law of impermanence. As the world around us changes, one thing we can always count on is our relationship with ourselves.

This may seem obvious, but we often forget to turn to ourselves when we need support and love, looking instead to outside sources. We can feel disappointed when we don't get what we need from the people in our lives. While receiving love and support from outside ourselves is valuable, it is also vital to remember that we carry within us an unlimited source of love and support. We can always turn within and find what we need, taking our rightful seat in the sanctuary of our Selves.

Not everyone has easy access to this inner haven, but have no doubt that it is there. It is often necessary to spend time alone in order to find it. Make a conscious effort to take time to explore your inner space. Even if only for five minutes a day, close your eyes and breathe deeply, tuning into your inner being. Greet yourself as a trusted friend and relax into the experience of just being there. The more time you spend in this space, the more you will understand and trust yourself.

Affirmations can also help return you to the strength and support within. Remind yourself: No matter what happens, I will always love and support myself. No matter who rejects me, I will always be here for myself. I am the source of my own safety and abundance. As you say these powerful words, you will see their truth, and you will know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are the most reliable friend and the safest haven you could ever want.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

American Psycho

I was thinking about the Christian message in current context today at Mass. In this age, where society has rendered so many of the pretexts that in the past were binding ligaments of the body of Christianity so vestigial, I think I have gathered my own interpretation of how God wants a man to live his life.

The constant struggle to control my surroundings is one in which I strangely feel victorious over in these sprinting spring days. Experience more so than tradition has taught me that the Catholic humility inspired by my father in some ways has a way of karmic recurrence in life, or maybe just my life. I can not shake the feeling that failure on a personal and professional level is cyclical and despite my continual efforts against the constraints of my economic median range, a fall or trip from grace to monetary obscurity is on the horizon.

Nevertheless I find myself not envious of those whom I witness wearing the halo of fortune's favor. I think this is because I have always had a clear view of the way to success, the successes of others, particularly of my father have shown me that persistence can equal success with very little added.

I feel that a tragic flaw in most cases is traded for such luck, and that God has rewarded me with a destiny not deeply cracked somewhere essential at the foundation where I would have to spend my life piling desired experience on top of to feel secure and complete. I do suppose however that my fate is however ambivalent to legitimate desire other than that of staple human greed and status.

Am I among the dreamless that I might desire only to realize the potential that I see within? Am I not reaching for a self-actualization, only searching for the comforts that materialism would bring yet possessing the knowledge I could easily do without them?

I think that a man of honor is one who conforms to a certain way despite what the publicity of his actions. I think virtue is the component of a perspective; I think it is foolish to die for this country or any country. Yet honor, fidelity when repercussions are non-existant, chivalry when setting does not summon, and validity of one's spoken word are qualities to constantly strive to achieve.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

I am the stone that the builder refused

Coffee Contemplations was something cool that I stumbled over the other day. A pastor that blogs along side coffee. Some people..

The Boondocks have some tight lyrics in the opening sequence, check it out.

So I spent some money last weekend and had a grand old time, kind of like Pre-Birthday. Historically, birthdays are getting less and less interesting, I think by the time I'm 30 I'll just mark a calendar day, if I make it that far.

So why am I addicted to Gen-Macha? The subtle toasted brown rice flavor is just so mellow and pleasant yet it has a crisp taste that refreshes and cleanses. I tried some other brand the other day and it just didn't have that flavor.

So last night I decided to take a hammer to my Xbox, I smashed it to pieces for a good 10 minutes. I dropped it while taking it next door and it was apparently destoyed. I wanted to take pictures but someone decided to throw it in the garbage. Alas, I haven't even played the thing in a while.

I'm intent on having a wine tasting party now, despite everyone laughing at the notion it is so much fun. I was discussing with a fellow Catholic the other night on how difficult of a time I am having giving up something for lent. She suggested that I should just search for overall good things to do for people, rather than do the exercise in discipline in which I might not reveal any true meaning.