Sunday, March 26, 2006

American Psycho

I was thinking about the Christian message in current context today at Mass. In this age, where society has rendered so many of the pretexts that in the past were binding ligaments of the body of Christianity so vestigial, I think I have gathered my own interpretation of how God wants a man to live his life.

The constant struggle to control my surroundings is one in which I strangely feel victorious over in these sprinting spring days. Experience more so than tradition has taught me that the Catholic humility inspired by my father in some ways has a way of karmic recurrence in life, or maybe just my life. I can not shake the feeling that failure on a personal and professional level is cyclical and despite my continual efforts against the constraints of my economic median range, a fall or trip from grace to monetary obscurity is on the horizon.

Nevertheless I find myself not envious of those whom I witness wearing the halo of fortune's favor. I think this is because I have always had a clear view of the way to success, the successes of others, particularly of my father have shown me that persistence can equal success with very little added.

I feel that a tragic flaw in most cases is traded for such luck, and that God has rewarded me with a destiny not deeply cracked somewhere essential at the foundation where I would have to spend my life piling desired experience on top of to feel secure and complete. I do suppose however that my fate is however ambivalent to legitimate desire other than that of staple human greed and status.

Am I among the dreamless that I might desire only to realize the potential that I see within? Am I not reaching for a self-actualization, only searching for the comforts that materialism would bring yet possessing the knowledge I could easily do without them?

I think that a man of honor is one who conforms to a certain way despite what the publicity of his actions. I think virtue is the component of a perspective; I think it is foolish to die for this country or any country. Yet honor, fidelity when repercussions are non-existant, chivalry when setting does not summon, and validity of one's spoken word are qualities to constantly strive to achieve.