Thursday, April 20, 2006

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain..

Every so often I become lost in the wilderness; I feel the urge to drop everything and everyone and just voyage. Finals are next week, there is a short time between summer school and now that just feels empty, void of meaning, and boring.

I need another job, it is always the answer. I applied at Logans Roadhouse (what a fucking joke) and if that falls through I suppose I'll actually have to go fill out applications at places, my 8-5 day job just bores the hell out of me but I'm sticking with it because it is great for me.

I was reading some Jim Morrison stuff today and I found some interesting quotes:

Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it's usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.

and

Pain is something to carry, like a radio.
You feel your strength in the experience of pain.

So true from the dead philosopher....Pain is good, just like captain kirk said.
Kirk: Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away. I need my pain.

I received many messages about my last post (why doesn't anyone comment..?) regarding my assholishness. Most to the tune of "we've been telling you this your whole life", and "you are just now realizing this?" That's what friends are for.

I suppose, in a discussion the other night with the significant other that I did have a revelation that I am not humble. I think one of my new efforts will be to curb the necessicity to correct others, especially when their opinion's are insignificant to the course of my existence.

Ok ok, and I think I know everything too, that needs work as well...

Monday, April 17, 2006

"Barbarism is the natural state of mankind. . Civilization is unnatural. It is a whim of circumstance. And barbarism must always ultimately triumph"

Sleepy OreoSauce: You don't exercise
Sleepy OreoSauce: You don't' read
ufsuperjenn24: what?
ufsuperjenn24: are you serious?
Sleepy OreoSauce: You aren't abreast of current issues
ufsuperjenn24: I jog all the time
Sleepy OreoSauce: to the fridge? That doesn't count..
ufsuperjenn24: I am currently reading a novel and always start another when I'm done
ufsuperjenn24: fuck you
ufsuperjenn24: you can stop talking to me know

Why am I such an asshole? I have ponderd the question much over these past few weeks. Why do I mock and prod my peers, goading them with judgements masked as inquiries?

I remember when I first started playing rugby back at UCF, I was so attracted to the sport not because of the foreign skills or the new challange, but it was because I felt there were so many players that were better than I. I would have to struggle just to be average.

Woody Allen says in Annie Hall that there is an old Groucho Marx joke that says: I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would have me for a member. I think it is a similar ideal; I wouldn't have anything to say if I didn't feel like I was lowering myself in certain company. Yet why do I do it?

I think that only a fool would believe that he could associate with thieves and never be tempted to steal. Hence my critique and new goals for Spring and Summer 06.

SPRING 06
Pro:

1. I've stuck to working out and seen some good results.
2. I held down 3 jobs and attended as many classes as possible.
3. I've taken steps to become financially sound.

Con:
1. I haven't recorded any progress, and I haven't kept my eating in check.
2. I quit 2 of my jobs and haven't looked for another since.
3. I haven't saved anywhere near enough and have continued to waste money.

SUMMER 06
1. Develop advanced eating plan
2. Continually work to eliminate those who compromise me
3. Suppliment income with new employment.
4. Take steps toward Auto Mechanical Knowledge
5. Finish screenplay