Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Mate. Feed. Kill. Repeat.

They called us a dead generation, they told us that we wouldn't survive
They left us alone in the maelstrom
As you can see we're all plenty alive
We know where you are and were coming
Lets see you say that shit to our face

...Stone Sour is pretty good stuff..

Monday, July 24, 2006

On Pain and Existence

If one considers this as an outsider looking in, one would wonder why the writer feels as if he is deserving of "pain" and "punishment". What would cause a person to crave physical pain and suffering? Are these extremes simply to mask something else that lurks just beneath the surface? I wonder..

Great example of a person that is living for today, a soul that knows not the true function of pain in this world. As the previous quote implied, pain is something we carry with us because it shows us who we are. I am interested in knowing myself, understanding my limitations and the nature of the body God has given.

Plato said that is would be shame if any citizen did not train their bodies as well as their minds, because they are gifts to be utilized. What other creature on earth can improve themselves as vastly as a human?

The human race is deserving of punishment because countless times in history we have gone against God, and it was the sacrifice of Jesus that was made to be the guide for our lives. Jesus endured pain and he welcomed his fate, and so I will endure and welcome mine. It is about patience and impermanence.

African tribes scar themselves as a reminder of what lies beneath the surface. Only those that would wish to ignore the daily struggle would call my musings extreme. Winston Churchill comments that only those who are successful can write history, when I reach success my methods will not be looked upon as extreme, but sound.

I like the movie Apocalypse Now because it illustrates perfectly this fact, where his methods unsound because he was not favored, or because they where truly unsound. Sure he went off the deep end, but he was a warrior in a war. Should one not wage such to the best of their ability, enacting that however barbarous and uncivilized to achieve victory? That is the question that I ask, Mr. Anonymous.


"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they are afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. Its all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, your letting society destroy you and reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain." -Jim Morrison

I keep returning to it like a carrier pigdeon. I might circle around a few times, take a few detours, but I'm still going towards the same destination.

Hit the gym today, burned legs really hard. I came home and lied on the cool tiles outside in the hallway. I felt sick and fatigued because my legs where shaking and I was so bloated from the liters of water I had drank. I swallowed bites of protein rich yoghurt and skinless chicken. I contemplated, I often do the scope of my aims at this coordinate in my life trajectory.

It has been a long time since my I could ponder what will be such a drastically different life in one year's time, things are going to be radically different. I'm rolling now, things are picking up speed. I noticed that this time I got down, and I am down right now...I'm far from out. I'm still going and I'm only increasing the volume knob to near full blast.

I pulled my first all nighter to write a paper last week, this week is going to be hell because I have to write two, move out, skate buy on minimal food, and work full days at both jobs all by next weekend.

It is getting tough, but I'm going punish myself further. I discussed future ideas and opportunities on the phone tonight. Every bone is craving assets like they crave calcium. This Fall will be the trial by fire. I will not fail because it is not an option.