Saturday, December 29, 2007

Ok, so i'm a wikipedia junkie

I always find fascinating stuff like this little morsel on NLP

"You need only three things to be an absolutely exquisite communicator. We have found that there are three major patterns in the behavior of every therapeutic wizard we've talked to — and executives, and salespeople. The first one is to know what outcome you want. The second is that you need flexibility in your behavior. You need to be able to generate lots and lots of different behaviors to find out what responses you get. The third is you need to have
enough sensory experience to notice when you get the responses that you
want..."

Evolutionary Psychology

The brain is a physical system. It functions as a computer. Its circuits are designed to generate behavior that is appropriate to your environmental circumstances.

Our neural circuits were designed by natural selection to solve problems that our ancestors faced during our species' evolutionary history.

Consciousness is just the tip of the iceberg; most of what goes on in your mind is hidden from you. As a result, your conscious experience can mislead you into thinking that our circuitry is simpler than it really is. Most problems that you experience as easy to solve are very difficult to solve -- they require very complicated neural circuitry

Different neural circuits are specialized for solving different adaptive problems.

Our modern skulls house a stone age mind

--from wikipedia

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Hooray Beer

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3266819.stm

It looks like I am go no for beer tonight.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Who cares

Does anyone really care if you used steroids or not? No, no one really cares. The NFL wouldn't be as cool with out them. I don't really like baseball, but same deal. All these old fogies and historians complaining about records being tarnished. So what, did you think they'd stand forever? What is a record but a memory in the minds of men, that exists only because people choose to remember it. What happen when people forget or die. I am sure Babe Ruth, wherever he might be right now could give a damn about how many balls he hit out of a park.

If people want to jack themselves up, by all means it shouldn't be illegal. Isn't this a free country? If you could shoot up for a chance at millions of dollars, to become an icon, or break records I am sure given the opportunity most would do it. Just enhancing what is already apparent, it isn't like these people are getting grafts of new genetics.

Not that I take any gear or would ever. It is kind of like weed, it should be decriminalized. I know there is stuff that makes you go nuts, get aggressive, and grow boobs. Well news flash, people will abuse it if it's legal or not.

Stuff annoys me. Oh and my previous post was kind of a rant, and yes it is far fetched. It was a fun thought though.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Long Asia, Short NY

Much to the chagrin of every JAP that I know I am posting this.

RandomSouthFloridaPrincess: Uggh, I just have to get back to the city, I miss it so much
Me: Yeah, I've never been to New York
RandomSouthFloridaPrincess: mouth drops WHAT? Are you serious? serious tone Oh my god you have to go..

Well, sorry to say, but an empire never lasts forever. I think Asia which has more people, more resources, more room to grow, most importantly cheaper labor and human capital.

If you are an economics nerd, like I so happen to be, then you would argue that certain areas in Asia have a surplus of relative factor endowments. True, the growth in Asian economies has been fueled by our excessive marginal propensity to consume, but our consumption will collapse with the downfall of our greatest asset in mortgage equity. With the slowdown in domestic investment coupled with the fall in the value of the dollar, NY will suffer and the financial industry will immigrate. Leaving the city fueled entirely by entertainment. A menagerie of fashion and freaks, a permanent circus attraction. Well, I've never been there so maybe I'm not qualified to say so, but I am anyway.

Five people just left the blog for good after reading all of that.

``We still are negative on the dollar relative to most major currencies, so we bought stocks in companies that earn their money in other currencies,'' Buffett said Oct. 25. Buffett, 77, is chairman of Omaha, Nebraska-based Berkshire Hathaway Inc.

`Moving to Asia'

Jim Rogers, a former partner of investor George Soros, said last month he's selling his house and all his possessions in the U.S. currency to buy China's yuan.

``The dollar is collapsing,'' Rogers said last week in an interview. ``I'm moving to Asia because moving to Asia now is like moving to New York in 1907 or London in 1807. It's the wave of the future.'' -- Bloomberg


Pretty soon, it'll be "OMG you haven't been to HONG KONG? you have to go!"

Great Article

“I’m no demographer, but I think what’s happened in the U.S. is the normalization of the Jew,” says Leon Botstein, who, as the president of Bard College, has seen all sorts of students cross his field of vision. “They’ve become as complacent and culturally undistinguished as the average, suburban, white middle-class American.”

A bit heavy on the genetics, might want to keep wikipedia open if you don't know what a heterozygote. I read NY times and NY magazine, you would think that I should be living there. I think the city must be slowly dying at this point however, I am probably on the tail end of it's reign. Like Tom Wolfe said recently, pretty soon NY will just be a Disney Land.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Getting close to the end

What more can I liquidate to keep myself above water. I think about these past few months and it amazes me that I have made it this far.

I am not a gambler, but I take huge risks. With God's help I hope this one will finally pay off, because I am running out of options. If innovation is the key to success, then I need to get real creative, real quick.

Guliani

I watched the dude on Meet the Press this morning. I admire him because he is a successful unabashed capitalist. I dislike him because he is a dirty man that thinks a legacy of shady action can be overshadowed by his politics. He is a less calculating Dick Cheney, obviously not much more intelligent than George Bush (apparent when he repeatedly stumbled while questioned about his questionable liaisons).

I'm not trying to turn this into a political blog, but I just keep finding myself defending my choice not to vote. All of the candidates thus far have proven sad. It seems that this year will be the lesser of the evils decision for America yet again.

I did see a great movie yesterday, Irreversible, with Monica Bellucci. Italian subtitles, indie, art house, viceral, thought provoking.. Check check check.

Monday, December 3, 2007

A great answer or a great orator

I've heard a lot about Huckabee's on evolution, and his glorious straight talk. He did not answer the question; a straight answer would have been saying no, I don't believe in evolution. I like the man because he is a passionate, and a good speaker. I don't like anyone however who refuses to believe that which is proven. We are 99% related DNA wise to Chimpanzees, and what makes us Homo sapiens is less than 1% of our code. IMHO, I think that to say we are not related to that which mirrors us is idiotic. That does not rule out God. God and evolution do not contradict each other. The hundreds of African cichlids that spawned from a single stranded fish in Lake Tanganyika didn't just appear.

I don't think that people who wrote the bible thought it would be a good idea to go into great detail about how people were created, it never mattered. Even if they did know we were molded from the clay of primates, I'm sure they wouldn't want to tell everyone. What matters is that we are here, we didn't just appear, we were created, and that process took a time. Evolution is not something to believe in, evolution is an observation and it is observed everywhere. Even though I am not voting, if I were to vote, it would not be for Huckabee. He is like a vestigial appendage, believing the knowledge passed on to him simply because his forefathers taught him such. Just open your eyes, evolution is everywhere.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

John McCain and the rest of them

Watching the guy in this Youtube debate just annoys me further. Look at him, his tattered skin draped upon a frame weakened from age. His neck draped over his collar like a turkey the pilgrims long forgot. He is exactly what bothers me about this 100 million strong mass of people retiring right now. So many of them believe that age equals wisdom and that change is forever cyclical.

Technology has changed the face of society many times . Yes, while our behavior has produced many predictable sequences, history does not always repeat itself. Things change. We lost in Vietnam. If we were still occupying Vietnam, or we didn't pull out when Vietcong were flooding the streets of Saigon, I might agree with you. A war that begins with thousands of pounds of laser guided missiles destroying a city as old as time is not the same as Vietnam.

You know, if there was a candidate that came out with some serious plans and vision. If there was a candidate that had ideas that weren't just carbon copies of the rest. If there was a candidate that didn't just lie. Then, it wouldn't be politics.

P.S If I hear one more time that Clinton was the greatest president, I'll kill someone. Clinton was good because he didn't screw shit up (generally), that said, he didn't do much. He surely isn't responsible for the bull run of the 90's. Just my 2 cents.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Worth getting hurt

Yes, I think the game is, although sometimes I question that affirmation. I played in the Florida cup this weekend, we lost. I love game, such a testament to what can be done through teamwork. Ironic for me that I wound up playing rugby, the penultimate team sport when I consider myself such an individual. I counter all the what if questions with what if I got killed tomorrow. I believe fate is a destination, the road maybe modified but the course remains constant.

I have always been against tattoos. My thoughts were that the body is a canvas, painted by that which gave life. Any modification to it is disrespect, like adding something to a timeless painting. Yet lately I've been toying with the idea of getting my favorite saying embroidered upon my flesh (the first noble truth). A close friend made me consider it when she mentioned the implausibility of my direction after death being determined by the condition of my skin. We agreed that it would have to be in another country, just to add to authenticity and value.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Self Portrait

Saturday night finds me not so inclined to venture out to the chilly Tampa streets. I am content to allow my laptop to slowly roast my sperm to death on my lap while listening to the Music Choice Jazz channel.

I realized that the name of this blog is misspelled not to long ago when my Chef friend was making a dry spice rub(Turmeric). I was less disturbed by this, and more so by the fact that no one else has mentioned it.

I have this insatiable hunger for data, as I was computer savvy at a young age. I was among the earliest of Google adapters, and am an extreme utilizer of social networking. Does no one else seek instant knowledge gratification, or learn about new things like they are rubies in the Sahara? I remember the age of x486 architecture and Grolier's encyclopedia on like 12 cds?. I suppose this has much to do with my women issue.

Watching this Californication show on Showtime with my friend revealed an oft discussed dichotomy between us regarding our feelings toward the opposite sex. I love women, I like to be around them, I like to look at them and talk to them. I can appreciate beauty in all of them. I believe my friend hates them. Not in the literal since but more the psychological sense. There are certain traits however that I just can't stand to see in them. Not to digress to deeply.

When we were chatting this afternoon relating this to the dating scene. My friend is very successful at opening up a conversation with a group of girl strangers, whereas I am less inclined. In seconds their smiles are stretching their faces and any onlooker would notice developing what more often than not I would call intrigue. He can usually carry on this charade of clever banter and sarcasm until such point when the marks usually begin to complement the discussion, where I come in.

I am great at carrying the bulk load of conversation, I posses a cornucopia of information about almost everything(worthless), and I am readily able to participate in discourse on any subject. I can be Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now, or just asshole, my usual visage.

The point of all this is that I lose interest quickly, because no one really wants to engage in small talk, who cares about your job or where you take your long walks. No one intrigues me lately, so I just scurry off. Herein lies the issue with my initiating conversation. Being the planner and futurist that I am, I foresee the pointlessness of the whole interaction and justify just watching.

So we discussed this afternoon how this applies in greater detail, how every one of my female encounters has been me just selecting what comes my way, rather than going out to get what I really want. I'm more a scavenger than a hunter was the comment. I attribute this to the fact that I believe the rules of the game are not equivalent to the absence of rules on the Serengeti. I'm talking about the jungle, where I have been favored by evolution and could command greater selection based upon my superior traits. Alas, this is the way the world works. Socioeconomic factors take precedence to your ability to club and spear better than your competitor.

I suppose I'll have to start hunting.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Thursday

It's been a slow week. I just came back from lunch, I got some tomato bisque on my shirt. This tide pen would be a great idea if it worked. I win the slob of the office award today.

I can see the bay from up here, Tampa is a grimy, dirty city shrouded in fog and superficiality. I like to work with my lights off even though there is little sunlight most days.

One thing that never ceases to amaze me, no matter how many times I realize it is the fact that people are people. No matter if they are your boss or your co-worker, everyone has vices, everyone has weaknesses. My quest is to defeat every one of mine, the way of the superior man.
I have always lived my life in the valleys looking at the cusps, and the next cusp is always the largest. The next one for me is extreme profitability and it comes on fast.

I was talking to someone last night regarding graduate school. More and more, I look at is as a method of avoidance. You have to start at the bottom, no matter what. People want to stave the real world away, staying in school to waste time and party.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Figs

Something about them that I just love. The color, the concept, the taste.. check it out.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Chug a lug

So I'm going insane not having a job and steady income. Living off savings is not fun, especially for money hungry (war mongering) obsessive people like me. I've been rather bipolar lately, enjoying alpine apexes and cavernous valleys of emotions. My homeys came to town this week and we did it rather large, went to a few swanky spots to check out the local vagina scene. My Spanish has been very valuable lately here.

So I'm looking for a serving job, dropping of resumes and such. Studying for exams, first one next Tuesday. More homeys are coming through for labor day this weekend. Should be big.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Brief Respite

Been in Tampa for a few days now and I am starting to acclimate. Went to dinner last night at Pelagia Trattoria and the sous chef sent out the best appetizer. Figs, buffalo mozzarella, veal stuffed queen olives, and Kalamata pate. I had a charming young Malbec from Argentina to accompany my paper thin veal and haricot verts.

Graduation was fun, enjoyed some great food and felt the glow of proud parents. I have been extremely blessed. My father says an old man only speaks of what he has done, where as a younger man speaks of what he has yet to do. I am much more the former than the latter and continue to age rapidly.

Onward to Sky tower ;)

Friday, July 20, 2007

Inspirational

People hate managers, but they will die for leaders. I turned my head towards him when I heard this phrase, I then began to pay closer attention. Took a deeper look at the ragged man I later would understand to be worth millions. His clothes did not fit, they seemed to hang on his frail aging body. The ability to exclaim spontaneous wisdom such as this so effortlessly him a made a permanent fixture in my mind for these past two days. Mr. Greenberg, the company's self proclaimed top agent.

He sat with us at the conference dinner, eager to share every vivid detail of his personal life. His tales made piquant by his scratchy grandfather speech. Confident in the fact of his excellence he exuded a slight braggadocio that transfixed not only myself but all of my peers. I sat next to him, not allowing anyone else a chance to pick his brain until I could eat my fill. I implored him for his secrets, "what is your day to day like? what sets you apart? how can I make it there?" Our Jewish Plato, sporting his Golden Lion polo filled us all with less of the concrete we craved and left us hungry.

He spoke of the things that one hears his entire lifetime, but only the giants of the world can truly teach. Integrity and the hundred fold return of kindness, the power of knowledge, and hard work. His secret was that he worked harder than everyone else, and still does. Yet it was not all garlands and triumphs. As he recounted his youth and his failed marriage I could see that the millions meant nothing to him, as the locomotive of his mind instantly derailed at the sight or mention of his daughter, his true jewel.

He inspired us all, as we commented moments later with glazed eyes and threw back the complementary alcohol. As I gnawed at his presence in my mind, I thought about my father describing his new big screen television as, "yeah, there is one bigger."

I pondered how I could follow in his methods and ideas. He is in bad shape from his vices, I will never allow myself that disease. The main thing is that Mr. Greenberg is happy because he loves what he does, and not even a failed marriage can take that away from him. I finally think I might have positioned myself to be in a similar circumstance, now about the hard work.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

But you already knew that

In the year 1900, between one in thirty and one in fifty people would die of cancer. Today it's one in two and rising fast.

In the year 1900, the amount of organic food being consumed was dramatically higher than it is today. In the year 1945 they sprayed 200,000 pounds of pesticides and herbicides on American farming soil. In the year 2002 they sprayed two billion pounds, yet crop losses were double what they were comparatively in 1945. This shows the cure isn't working; it's failing yet they continue to use the same leverage to sell the chemicals.

Scientific studies show that hands-down, bar none, not only is there far more nutrition in food raised organically, but there are detrimental effects to the consumption of any commercially raised food.

One research study showed that today, to get the same nutrition from one head of lettuce as you did 50 years ago, you'd have to eat 20 heads of lettuce from the commercial farms.

There was no nutrition degree in the United States until General Mills started the first nutritional programs. Almost every major nutritional program in major universities is funded by a food processing corporation.

It takes an average of eight hours of sleep per night for the human immune system to kill down the bacteria population to a safe level, because every single bacterium in your body is urinating and defecating in your body 24/7.

They produce a toxin called endotoxin LPS. If your body doesn't get enough sleep at night, you will progressively be poisoned by the bacteria in your own intestinal track.

Paul Check... Really cool guy.. google him

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Power

Dave, you can put the $5 billion away," he told News Corp. CFO Dave DeVoe. He consulted with three advisers about whether to withdraw: group general counsel Lon Jacobs and corporate-affairs chief Gary Ginsberg, who were in the room, and his son and News Corp. heir apparent James Murdoch, the CEO of News Corp.'s European satellite-TV system, who called in from a yacht near Valencia, Spain. Murdoch wanted to jolt the Bancroft family back to reality, and if the deal was going to die, he wanted to be the one to kill it. "If we clean this up to our satisfaction, the family will reject it. So why don't we just reject them? - Rupert Murdoch Speaks

Wow, on a yacht? Anytime I hear about yachts I get excited, I just visualize effective sovereignty on the high seas. Dark fendis with white robes that have my name embroidered on the lapel, Ridel glass holding my morning mimosa.. Aspirations begin with dreams.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

A ha!

I read an interesting albeit opinionated article today. Do read.

Monday, June 18, 2007

i'm a changling, see me change

I love the movie The breakup. Beside the fact that it is tremendously funny, I found it refreshingly realistic. I was thinking about it today because there was more drama in my life. My friend tells me that he thinks the road I walk down is a dangerous one (regarding relationships), that I will end up unhappy because of my perspective. I tell him that I have never been one to settle. I'll just keep changing.

It is a strange relationship that I have with fate and destiny, I never try to fight it. The permanence of life makes it precious, and I feel that I can't waste time. Einstein says time is relative and I agree, but I don't think that it should be underutilized. So many are complacent to just waste it, tug along with whomever or whatever is familiar in their life. I am not one to lament over the past, but I will regret it.

Watching the movie Viva Zapata, I heard Brando (Zapata) say, "I am resolved to struggle against everyone and everybody." I think that I personally am resolved to struggle as well, but against anyone who holds me back. The reason being I have spent so much time holding myself back, all I can see is forward.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Innovation

I have to start thinking harder, harness this new found focus for profit. Providence is whispering wisdom, and I am glad to be all ears. I was doing one of my final research papers today and I read a quote from a whacked out director. I find it so interesting how some people can become so wrapped up in making a difference the lives of others that their own lives are left unfulfilled.

The quote was "Innovation is the precursor for success." This screamed at me from the page, just like the comment of a cook did today, "You'll never make it working for anyone else."

I see it every day, the work it will take to build my empire. I am so excited for a change, I love change and I need it. Lifting heavy as often as I can. A new city with new people, less distraction and nothing but focus and goals. The hard road makes me stronger, the next exit is up ahead to a bigger road.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Winds of Change

Starting to blow by as events continue at their feverish pace. Two midterms down and undergraduate will soon be a memory. I was watching the kudzu along the side of Ocala street that engulfs the trees, remembering how it was the first thing I ever noticed in this city upon my initial visit, it seems so long ago. It was an ethereal rugby match played at night, I still remember watching the coin flip and agreeing to play in the icy rain following the captains meeting. Ideal rugby conditions. My hand was smashed by a cleat spike that night and I clutched it as I walked off the field. Less than six months later I would call this city home.

Now, as I am posed to leave I think about how much I have grown here, matured in my ambitions and desires. It goes in circles, as I left a small town for a large one, then came here to a small, and now I am on my way back to a large. I have aged here rapidly, much older than the years that I can count. Motivation burns stronger now, I feel more focused and wiser.

Now about that retirement in my mid thirties.. :)

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

As the world turns/burns

Lately it almost seems like my decisions are being made for me. After a long weekend of debauchery intermingled with glimpses of possible futures it seems like Tampa is where my compass points to next. Interviews have never been a problem for me ever since I began overcompensating insecurity with arrogance, and feelings of superiority. I am so confident at times I feel hot flashes of fear trickle down my spine, I know this is always a mistake.

I am great under pressure because I don't really fear failure, and I feel that I will not stop until I reach success. If I am to fail now, then I will succeed later because I will spend all effort in this world doing so. I am a subscriber to destiny, and sometimes I think that the ribs and spine of our lives can be seen for short instants if you pay attention.

One of my last classes is a bullshit anthropology, I knew there was a reason why I never took a class in it before. However it is not completely void of new knowledge, a drug which I can never be inoculated from, a life long addict. The samurai philosophy is one that is always fascinating to read about.

Some Selections :

Singlemindedness is all-powerful.

Tether even a roasted chicken.

Continue to spur a running horse.

A man who will criticize you openly carries no connivance.

A man exists for a generation, but his name lasts to the end of time.

Walk with a real man one hundred years and he'll tell you at least seven lies.

To ask when you already know is politeness. To ask when you don't know is the rule.

Wrap your intentions in needles of pine.

One should not open his mouth wide or yawn in front of another.

Do this behind your fan or sleeve.

A straw hat or helmet should be worn tilted toward the front.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Those who choose to remain nameless

So this happens every so often, someone stumbles on my blog and decides to comment without leaving their name and critiques me harshly.

First off, let me say I am glad that you found your way here, my thoughts entertaining, and yet I am sad that you, whomever you are, disliked them. I think that we are all entitled to our opinions, and granted I am very opinionated.

You posted various quotations from great men. I spent a few moments searching my previous posts searching where I purported to be a judge of truth and knowledge. I think it is never a mistake to look to far ahead, as I believe the cliche success is half preparation half showing up. Destructive selfishness? I was taught that fortune favors those who help themselves rather than relying on others. I think of myself a very kind man, rarely turning away those who would enlist my aid. Again, all my opinions.

Your Einstein quotes while impressive, led me to great struggle in discerning their relevance to my posts and opinions. I have been deeply influenced by Adam Smith, who makes a great case that when everyone operates to the best of their ability society as a whole benefits. It is the natural state of man to work in his self-interest.

Call me self-righteous to focus on my own personal success rather than the affairs of others, to highlight my strengths that I may garner greater appreciation for my hard work, and to dream of success. I will respectfully disagree.

I will agree that I have a great weakness in humility, but who are you to cast stones? Are you so wise that you are able to critique my thoughts? To me this is an inherent contradiction. Wise men have achieved success in a variety of ways, fortune, education, brute force etc.. There is no set pattern on how to arrive at such a destination. I believe that the most important trait is a desire to reach such heights. Many men have reached ruin focusing on helping their fellow man rather than taking care of their own affairs.

I have never been a selfish person, and God has smiled upon me for such reasons. I like to master things because I was given the ability to do so, not to prove anything. I would think it very rare for someone to actually have a plethora of interests and merely refine them for the sake of flattery.

Nonetheless, thank you for your comments and in the future I would love to know who you are. I don't think I meant depression is my sole motivating factor, I think depression is a great motivator in general. My true conflictions are a healthy fear of failure and a desire to utilize what providence has bestowed upon me, rather than waste it like so many around me.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Determination

Human beings were designed to operate under high levels of stress. If it be hormones, temperament, or a combination of both, some people just do not deal well with it. Drug companies are made rich because people are not able to cope. However we are designed for it, and I thrive in it.

I remember when I was a child and I went to a waterpark with my father. There was a kneeboarding ride that was quite difficult for me to get. One would sit in the appropriate position and an advanced system of high overhead pulleys would yank you along at terrific speed. I failed at it repeatedly, as the handle was yanked from my hands or I was ripped from the board into the water. Resigned to never complete the ride, it remains a prevalent memory for me as a defeat. I was afraid of the ride because I could not complete it, but I kept trying because I wanted to conquer everything.

Most lecturers on the subject maintain that visualization is the most powerful force. I am inclined to agree, however I believe that discipline has a large role to play in acquiring success. These last few days have been busy without much rest. I am up late researching on the computer, up early exercising, and working. Slowly returning to the basics, the practices that gave me the few successes that I now enjoy. I am determined to succeed because I have wanted it for many years now. It was personal drive that goaded me to take loads of classes a semester, to work multipule jobs, to control my diet to a science.

When all diversions from the core are said and done, I always return to that which has made me who I am. The foundations of success, hard work and preparation. I was on myspace looking at some hyper muscular female bodybuilders. How alienated they must be, shunned by both men and women at times yet they still craft themselves and harness their abilities. One quotation stuck out at me from Romans chapter 12: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

There are so many that act simply because their peers do so, because it seems to be what everyone else does at 'that age.' I reject those that hide behind the guise of social service because they are too afraid to realize their failure in helping themselves, and I equally dislike those that revel prosperity as if it were of substance, almost as if it were divine right. I reject all notions of following the status quo, for to me it is inconsequential what the prototypical college student does, it only matters what I do.

Now begins the countdown to some major decisions, stress will aid me in making better choices. Stress will not inhibit my function.


We aren't built to be happy. Rather, we are built to survive and reproduce.
We wouldn't be here today if our ancestors didn't struggle mightily to protect
and feed their families. The promise of happiness, meanwhile, is just a trick to
jolly us along.

I could not agree more, as I am so frequently quesitoned by my mantra
that I am most productive when depressed.

My days are now filled working every second I can, reading for advancement, and enhancing myself to my former physical glory. I will not fail because I dwell on success like an owl dwells on the twilight.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Wisdom

In the eyes of empire builders men are not men but instruments”
Napoleon Bonaparte

Some of the best lessons we ever learn are learned from past mistakes. The error of the past is the wisdom and success of the future.
Dale E. Turner

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

the tiger

It is one of those animals that's more respected than feared. It is not only agile and intelligent, but fierce and powerful.

I am the type of person that likes to learn from patterns, always have been. I would look at calendars on the walls of my elementary classes and form geometric shapes in my mind based upon the days. I pick up math quickly when I see numerous similar examples, and comprehend them. This is the main reason I am disturbed when I notice my greatest deviation. I stray from my goals when spending large amounts of time with those whom I know are not my siblings in motivation. This is especially true for women.

I fear that I am confusing and befuddling my inner tiger. Clouding my mind, not focusing on constant improvement, being lazy.

The urge is always there, however many times it my enter dormancy. It reared again when conditions with the fox ended for good. Many say I lack tact, but I believe that if tact is rearranging the truth to sound more agreeable, and thereby risking true meaning, then call me brash.

It is because I am locked in the rungs of the ladder. My weakness is an inability to begin again therefore I must go forward at all times. This must be a total feeling for me as I am absorbed in it and I cannot be involved with people on a level greater than colloquial that do not share this value.

In the words of a great man:

For me, life is continuously being hungry. The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to conquer. -Arnold Schwarzenegger



Monday, April 23, 2007

Entropy

So final exams this week, one tomorrow, two on Wednesday, and one on Thursday. Regularly scheduled blogging has been disrupted because of such, as well as my working excessively to prepare myself for whatever drastic paradigm shifts I will endure in the coming days.

The BBMC (Big Beef Man Compound) is now where I am basing my operations, my roommates are very cool guys and we all seem to get along very well. We have a nice little dog that is full of energy and listens very well..

The fox is still around, making her presence known by visiting when able. We act almost exactly the same as we did before the break up, however I believe there are some differences in shared opinions on the relationship at this juncture. We are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend for one, yet this appears to be only a superficial alteration.

The iron furnace of pain beckons to me again these past few days as I have an increased desire to move metal and reform my body in the mold of David.

So wish me luck on my finals~!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

After a brief respite

It would seem the trajectory has been altered dramatically yet again. The fox and I are no more, thanks to a candid conversation the other night highlighting our irrevocable differences. Simply incompatible was the judgment that we both agreed upon. It deeply saddens me because I am certain her statement of i was nothing but sweet to you is undeniably true, as I returned such sentiments with my regularly scheduled ass-hole commentary. Her good nature will give someone nothing but happiness. A shame I suppose as this person is not, and probably was never me.

So the cycle is restarting again. I am getting back to the routine, again with the motions. The bedtime becomes earlier, the gym becomes a more permanent fixture. I am moving out of my current place slowly, to a new place with male roommates that appears to be a much more agreeable environment than my current. I have final exams next week to finish my final full semester as an undergrad, six weeks of summer then estoy terminaste.

I think the difference in this most recent relationship failure is that I am making an attempt to forecast, rather than just act how I so desire. I know this one would have been harder to end if it continued any longer. sigh..

Interview's next month ranked according to desire of employment:
  • Ameriprise Financial (Ft. Lauderdale)
  • ING (Tampa)
  • Edward Jones (Tallahassee, laugh..)


Saturday, April 14, 2007

Creativity

Is it not amazing people what people can come up with for the sake of criminal activity? I think the criminal mastermind is so interesting..

Friday, April 13, 2007

Infinite Regress

The principle proven by Aristotle that not all knowledge can be proved, that sometimes a an explanation is composed of the original problem. I feel like some knowledge emanates from ones presence, felt almost like an aura. In the presence of giants, one can and will feel so not by words alone.

I think, a few years back I was very comparable to those whom I have a specific distaste for these past few weeks. I see myself in their words, their comments on life, advice and opinions. My mother would've (and still, annoyingly enough) pointed out to me my simple progress on the ladder of life, arguing that I am not old enough to make such statements regarding my velocity. She still tells me this, however at this point I can agree more often then not.

I hear the indicative statements made around me, and I am annoyed with the fact that I feel those who utter them are not qualified to speak so definitively. I suppose the next stage in my specific evolution would be to harness the ability to let the opinions and actions of others be rain on my windshield.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

And Ye Shall Recieve

Tri-vocational once again! I like the new job (serving at Mozaik) thus far, which I will be working days, in tandem with my day position, as well as my night job at Z-Bardhi's.

I was musing with a comrade the other day about the educational system. He asked if I had any doubts about the seemingly insurmountable feat of economics graduate school. I told him that if at any point I actually put in the recommended effort for any class, I would be a Rhodes scholar. I have never encountered any subject that I was unable to grasp, merely ones that I deeply dislike (speech, psychology to a certain degree, information theory). I have procrastinated along, and would welcome a true challenge.

So the situation is at Def-Con something in my current living situation, I have been taking frequent refuge at the Fox compound. In the latest rampage of my aggressors over a misunderstanding on who owned a red wire basket, a box of my strawberries and prune juice were thrown away. I am now issuing an informal declaration of war on her and her slovenly shrew sympathisers. I will not act in the near future, I will wait for the perfect moment, say three months from now.

All confrontation is based on deception (Sun-Tzu) and I will deceive them into thinking I have forgotten that which I will stew upon until I am tepid like lobster bisque. They will pay for their transgressions against my food supply and personal items, very dearly.

Leaving for Orlando friday night to begin Easter festivites, and I will return on Sunday for Sopranos!

Monday, April 2, 2007

Waisting Time

I really need a new day gig. I want so desperately to be productive, however I have lost all desire to perform at my current occupation. I find it utterly void of interest as the Internet and wikipedia entertain me for the majority of my day.

I am coming to realize that the surefire way to be really successful at whatever one endeavors to do is to really enjoy what one does. I find that this commonly held belief is so true lately, as I still tend to gravitate towards the restaurant industry. A place where tender is callous and cold yet still warms the pockets on the way home, where speculation is rampant, work is fast paced, and the most proficient usually reap the greatest rewards.

More and more I am believing that I am really going to have to find something I like to make large sums of money rather than merely performing some task that pays the most.

The fox keeps asking for a pet, a small annoying dog that she can coo at or some sort of feline. We can't agree on the most desirable breed, and I really have no desire to aid in such decision anyway. I think these things are sources of great dismay when situations go sour, and my past experience has led me to keep as many options open as possible. That said, things continue to go swimmingly as I am taking her home for Easter this weekend.

We got into an argument this weekend and she blurted out quite comically "Not everyone gets up at the crack of dawn to exercise and buy stock!"
Yes my pet... but they should :)

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Funny for some reason

“Security is mostly superstition.”
– Helen Keller

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Didactic

I recently got in a tiff with the fox about her frequent habit of using an instructional tone. She told me to think outside myself, as I am the king of doing such. She was right.

Things that my parents say seem so much more pertinent these days then when I was younger. My mother always told me to pick my battles. Quarrelling over how hard I work, or who works harder is a futile exercise. Be about it rather than talk about it she would say.

My friend in Vegas has a saying, pure positivity. I like it because in my almost natural state of critical pessimism (that I liken more to objectivism) I sometimes stray from the fact that positive thinking can manifest itself in the physical form. That those who wish to shine like summer must glow more often than not. God is helping as always, success has made me think lately the clouds aren't as great as clear sky.

Had a presentation today, went well I suppose. Never before have I been so optimistic about my future. I saw a picture of bill grant, and old school bodybuilder. He looks damn good for 60.

I found this through Claire, I really liked it.
Never aspire to be fashionable. Fashion is the foolish imitating the arrogant. Being cool is fear of change dressed in designer clothes. Following fashion is a sure way to prevent any kind of breakthrough in your life. Free yourself from barriers like this. Be who you are, not who everyone else is pretending to be.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Sentiment

One of my favorite people to learn from is Victor Neiderhoffer, not because of his successes but because of his perseverance in the face of such great losses.

I think that when someone achieves great successes, they become established and accustom to a certain level of life. What happens when success is taken away and the finish line becomes the starting line once more? I remember when I was in basic training and we would pass the calendar of events every night. Soldiers would line up to peer at its obscure inscriptions detailing phases and training events. For me the only important dates were the tests that determined succession, and the graduation date because my greatest fear was always having to start over. I remember in elementary school hearing about kids that had to repeat grades, I was terrified of such practices, unable to fathom how horrid falling behind my peers would be.

Later in life, as more and more fall behind it becomes more acceptable to lose ground. Many simply quit, or veer off in alternate directions and the road of life becomes delineated. These past few years for me have been a catch up, not to where I think I should be, but to where I want to be.

As a child I have always been quick to consider the consequences of loss. I became fascinated with the spider and her web. I would seek them out in their glimmering corners of the world and find them hard at work, fashioning such masterpieces of symmetry and strategy. Distinctive colored banana spiders, posed aggressively in the centers of their webs motioning to any would be interloper.

Upon an encounter I would study them for a few moments at first, then readily destroy them indiscriminately. The spider is eternally unscathed, she knows not defeat but only duty. It is her duty to refashion a web, begin again as her life skills will never tarnish, and she will never cease utilizing them. This always fascinated me.

I was at work last night finishing up while I overheard my boss detailing the wine order for the restaurant. She indicated that she was ordering four bottles and then corrected herself to six, jibing her mother about the fact that she usually drinks two bottles. The mother added dryly that it was either that or anti-depressants. Rather than chalk this up to the sometime negative correlation between success and happiness I wondered if she were to lose her brand new Mercedes and nice wardrobe, would she be happier starting over?

I think many people live life in the fear of loss, as they are defined by their material equity rather than human capacity. Ask yourself what would you do if you lost everything you had, would you give up, or start over?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Younger bones, older mind

I twisted my ankle playing racket ball yesterday. To anyone who has never done such, it is a really annoying injury, I find myself shuffling and limping along like the kindly old black janitor.

Wow, I really am not indestructible as I used to be/feel. Back to back rugby matches don't seem within my grasp without some considerable cardiovascular training. Summer usually means a slim down for me so I'm looking forward to that at least.

Jobs, school, future, relocation, money, relationships. Oh these concepts are forever tumbling and swirling around my mind. I have been doing considerable reading on polymath's these days. I feel like their gift might be almost something of a curse as well. Never truly experiencing the pull of one discipline, instead delving into so many. Must be easy to lose yourself in endless cognition.

My friend Mike says arrogance and self-awareness rarely go hand in hand. I agree whole heatedly. While there are those that are great due to their self promotion, I have never styled myself a member of their ranks. Even those whom I think unworthy of critical language in my reference are quick to make observations regarding my brazen demeanor.

To start over, to embody the meek and hard working, traits my father likened to gold. Sometimes I worry that I am running out of chances to start over, that I am cementing foundations that I do not desire.

The fox's words keep replaying like a scratched CD: If you don't share so much of your person, they will have nothing to say.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Ouch... Sights and Sounds

I was stung by a jelly fish when I was a child. It is one of those painful memories that will always be with me, like shattering bones in my hands or nose.

Exam in a little bit, I should be studying instead of blogging. I keep finding myself researching and reading about the markets. I wish wish wish I had more money to invest. Again the frugality issue rearing it's ugly green head. Need to stick to the plan.

I've been toying around the moving idea for some time now. Since my current living situation is going to end next month, I'll need to stay somewhere for the six weeks of summer school that I have left before I graduate.

I think I definitely need to continue with Spanish, and I also need to learn some Chinese. I saw a man scribbling on a whole blank sheet, rendering it full of characters this morning. The icons were very elegant even in their unrefined lines. I watched this program on travel channel about a chef that eats weird things. So cool, I thought it a shame that he could not speak any native languages of the countries he traveled.

The fox offered up her homestead for the six week summer term, but I think that will pretty much ruin our relationship because of my early habits and ass-holishness. I am such an atypical college student, mainly because I am so ready to be done with it. I am beginning to notice how similar we are, especially in the toot your own horn department. The fox always points out what she perceives as her behavior traits; she gave me some good advice regarding being a more closed book in social situations. I have difficultly taking advice from people these days yet at times she helps me realize how annoying I really can be.

Atlanta, that not so far off land of opportunity and culture that I came to adore in the few instances I frequented. I feel as if it might be my next destination this summer. How nice would it be to be alone in a huge city, not knowing anyone or glancing at a face that I know I've seen before.

Does anyone else ever get annoying with running into people that they know? Small talk is rather pointless, I usually employ the African American method of salutation known as the head nod. Much more effective than asking about what you are or aren't doing.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Swan Song

The wild swan's death-hymn took the soul
Of that waste place with joy
Hidden in sorrow: at first to the ear
The warble was low, and full and clear; ...
But anon her awful jubilant voice,
With a music strange and manifold,
Flow’d forth on a carol free and bold;
As when a mighty people rejoice
With shawms, and with cymbals, and harps of gold...

The Mason

The never ending attempt to build a foundation upon which to prosper. My forward sentiments are looking choppy as unexpected things are coming my way.

My friend came into town over the weekend, he is doing very well for himself and his frugal nature is a shining example of that which I am easily capable and not doing. As the usual shit talking pursued between old childhood friends he made a great point in highlighting the fact of his financial prosperity, that which I cannot answer too. No denying at his current pillar in life, it is an accomplishment which stands on its own merit.

The roommate situation has reached gritty confrontation. Tears and screaming are a routine occurrence, along with uncomfortable guests, and secret sharing. In the past I would volunteer that my arrogance was the spring from which conflagrations flow yet the childish actions on the part of my aggressors merely reinforce the idea that I should live alone.

I saw Zodiac this weekend, rather long and horribly edited however solid acting and characterization.

I recently pondered a great contradiction in my current affairs, how I am full of knowledge on proper financial action yet I am not able to efficiently manage my own account. Not by lack of effort, but through an uncanny ability to discount. Saying 'fuck it' has led me in many areas of my life to great discord and unhappiness. The disparity of my capabilities and my realized actions has lead me to depression.

I have been told that a solid future is built with stones, not with shifting sands. I have realized that efforts to rectify my aims in focusing on secular aggrandizement rather than satisfactory performance in all areas is the key to my personal success.

Onward.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Been Busy

Coming back to regularly scheduled programming next week.

  • Had a birthday, whoopee I'm an old bastard
  • School is boring
  • The transition from winter to summer is advancing
  • Daylight savings is retarded, it gets late much too soon
  • Picked up some summer classes, done June 15
  • Happy Saint Patrick's
  • 300 was the shit, however I was left with a feeling that it was rather drawn out and could of been shorter. Did however inspire some working out.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Noise Correction

It struck me as curious how errors are called noise in statistics. What some people deem musical brilliance is offensive air polution to others. Noise, the imperfect periphery surrounding the goal, the wilderness of potential caveats outlining the path to the core.

So much noise lately in my life it seems... Is the impregnable resolve which appeared so cast iron merely paint on an aluminum frame? These questions flicker in my mind as I feel the puppeter of peer inspired assimilation holding more tension on the strings, more so than my own perception of just action.

My father wrote me a letter for my birthday in which he posed the question, always ask, what have I learned from the situation? I asked that of myself numerous times on my ride back to Tallahassee from Orlando, pondering my recent extreme detour from the path of the disciplined. My body is falling from its former state of turgid muscularity. My mind is clouded by the constant application of altering substances.

Guilty by association? I think I have long reveled in the company of underachievers, yet I felt not stymied by their influence. With the fox in exile at her home down south I feel as if I must return to my cave and ponder. How am I to return to the path which I have chosen? The path of success and achievement.

Where is the exit from this wilderness that I have self imposed. Sunday, the last of the break, I will start slashing with a machete.

Financial, Mental, Physical. I must regain, and evolve further.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Lava Lamp

I just noticed that my lava lamp died on my desk in my office. It has been running continuously for months and I guess it finally decided to give.

Today is the last day of classes before spring break. I went out last night and had a nice dirty martini at the stylish Tantra lounge with some acquaintances. I was home with the fox by one, exploring the depths of infatuation with that one.

Something about today feels different, besides that apparent absence of all my fellow students. I awoke with a great deal of happiness and now, augmented with coffee high I suppose I should get some concrete work done.

I realize that there are only six weeks after spring break left, the time accelerates like a new sixteen year old in a new mustang. Change is the only constant.

I am such a blogoholic. I love exploring the webs of my contacts, searching out their friends and expanding my network. Never dull to discover some other interesting life.

I finished Blink today. I was disappointed, as it was mostly the same repetitive concept: We make the best decisions subconsciously based on experience, and handle information most efficiently when we 'thin slice' it (analyze data in small fragments rather than in entirety). I am starting to feel like many of the books on the NY Times best sellers list aren't so indicative of quality, more so mass appeal.

My next book is going to be entirely in Spanish, in efforts to accelerate my knowledge of the language. 100 years of solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, supposedly a classic. I'll let you know how it turns out. I also picked up a cook book by Marcella Hazan.

What is everyone doing this weekend? I can't wait for 300 next Friday!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Self Study

I believe I have come to the realization that a large flaw in my personality is derived from my almost consistent propensity to preach. If god would only grant me the discipline to keep my mouth shut and merely be in accord with prevailing opinions rather then rail against them so. Even if I do not agree, which opinionated I seldom do.

I was attacked on numerous levels last night about my personal beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. Rather than truly examine what the issues were, I think the greater issue, the thing that I have been replaying in my head so frequently today is the public availability of my opinions.

Everyone knows what I think, because I make it my practice to tell them. I wish I could change this, I wish I could keep more into the shadows about my beliefs and not be such a braggart.

It always leads to conflagration.

Must be nice

  • I can't live with girls anymore I have decided. Attempts at logical argumentation are met with emotional pleas and unrelated idiocy.
  • I'm in negotiations to move into the big beefy man compound
  • I hate being sick, because I hate the doctor, and I never want to go because he is a waste of time
  • I got into an argument with the fox last night regarding the relative level of prestige in the legal and business environments. It was my opinion that lawyers are intrinsically workers, students of business (following my personal path and ambitions, I.E MBA) are administrators and thus climb a ladder with higher rungs to greater status
  • 220 kgtu. racecar from 0 to 100 km/h in only 3.00 seconds and with 800 bhp available, it accelerates very quickly to its 360 km/h top speed.
  • Mmmm, Black and Bleu cz burger. Albiet no bun or condiments and water...
  • Spring? We don't have that here, we have cold then the next day people are in bathing suits.. Oh Floridians how backwards you truely are...

Monday, February 26, 2007

August 4th, 9 am. The end of struggle, the beginning of domination

It will be a day that will live in infamy, the hearts and minds of the many men and women whom have aided in my climb through higher education will be vindicated. In the face of adversity, bleeding on as ambition goaded me along the road less traveled. The more difficult road, the one that began at University Elementary School in small town suburbia and will end upon the red bricks of Florida State University.

Be there, when the heat of the searing sun shall be defeated by an impregnable cloak of black graduation shrouds, when crowns of distinction will illuminate the heads of the learned, and where the cogs of the machine of destiny shall smile upon me.

Graduation.

I have made all the calculations; fate will do the rest.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Weekend Reading

  • "According to a survey of more than 200 Wall Street professionals who took home at least $2 million in cash from their 2006 bonuses, respondents are spending 11% of their payouts, on average, on watches and jewelry. For even the lowest-paid bankers in the survey, that's a bling budget of more than $200,000."
  • "A suicide bomber struck Sunday outside a college campus in Baghdad, killing at least 41 people and injuring dozens as a string of other blasts and rocket attacks left bloodshed around the city. The blast left cement walls pockmarked by shrapnel and twisted parts of the metal gate and turnstile. Parents rushed to the site and some collapsed in tears after learning their children were killed or injured. Students used rags and towels to try to mop up the blood."
  • Expected MBA Earnings - After Graduation
    Women 86,805
    Men 94,710
  • #2 MBA Employer - Google
  • "Pay expectations are high: Candidates expect to take home average salaries of $88,087 in their first year after graduation, up from $81,658 the previous year -- and a hefty $167,052 five years down the road.
    There was a nearly $8,000 gap in expected salaries between men and women, with men expecting $94,710 and women expecting $86,805.
    "This is an almost self-inflicted salary gap, because it's what they're expecting to get," said Tattanelli. "It has increased from last year. Part of it is because women gravitate to the consumer goods industries that don't always have top salaries."

  • For return on investment, the best home renovation is to upgrade an old bathroom. Kitchens come in second.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Viernes

Good thing it is Friday, because my cash flow surely isn't where it needs to be and I work both tonight and tomorrow.

I've come to the realization that much of my intermittent depression is caused from a distinct lack of motivation, or rather the belief that my motivation should be greater than its current level.
I'm really happy lately however, so oh well. The fox is bliss, and school grinds on, approaching an ever increasing termination.

Plan for the weekend
Saturday:
  • Wake up, clean/laundry
  • Shopping
  • Utilize Herb and get a pedicure
  • Lunch at nice restaurant
Sunday
  • Watch news programs and read paper
  • Study for Multinational Business Operations exam II
    • Making dinner at the fox's house, Chicken Curry with Basmanti rice, garlic naan bread, a quaff able fabulously sweet and chewy Viognier
  • New Rome!
Spring is coming, I need to loose some weight so I can look good in a bikini...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Make Money

I am a market addict.

Television? Oh, you mean CNBC.

News? Oh, you mean The Wall Street Journal... what, whats that? We are at war?
Great for the economy.

Ben Bernake? Dats my fucking nigga dawwg.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Successful Traits

I've said it time and time again. Jews are the race I hold in the highest esteem. I have seen numerous examples of the tenets of their culture ingrained with such discipline in their lives. This passage struck me as I was reading about the Russian-Jewish founder of google, Sergey Brin:
As we talk at the bagel shop, Michael keeps careful watch on the time. Every so often he leaps from his chair and dashes outside. This isn’t just for a smoke, although he does light up. He’s also keeping close tabs on the parking meters, his and mine, and takes care when the time runs out to drop in more quarters.
This man never has to work again he is worth so much, yet still he avoids petty expenses. I think the Montessori method is really superior as well.
“From my parents, I certainly learned to be frugal and to be happy without very many things,” Sergey tells me. “It’s interesting—I still find myself not wanting to leave anything on the plate uneaten. I still look at prices. I try to force myself to do this less, not to be so frugal. But I was raised being happy with not so much.”
Profound indeed.

Adderall

This stuff is so handy, I can't even begin to list all of the things that I have accomplished today and it is only 3pm. My focus capitulates to no stimulant other than that which I desire. Popped a 30mg XR tablet this morning with my oatmeal. I'm on five hours of sleep and I feel amazing.

I feel it mostly in my eyes, as my pupils are so dialated, and the waves dopamine and norepinephrine into the extraneuronal spaces of my brain are like new dawns, coming consistently every few moments when I stop and think about the effects of the drug, which isn't often considering my lazer-like focus. I feel like a predator on the serengeti, and every task I set to conquer is a gazelle.

The fox said I could make a million dollars if I took them for a week straight, I doubt that is something I will ever try however.

I'm not hungry at all, but i've been eating any way because after all it is a hobby of mine..

Run little creatures, run!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Oh yeah,

This should be damn near required reading for all you would-be parents out there. V again beautifully describes an essential aspect of my mantra. Read up.

Good show old boy

I think that I have been given a gift, much like clairvoyance or telepathy. I think of it as a glimmer, and ability to detect issues or hairline fractures in the surfaces of life. I always seem to get an inkling when something will fail.

My grandmother had something similar, albeit scientifically explainable. She could sense the weather, but that was probably just her joints expanding to the fluctuations in the barometric pressure. My gift is a little different, and I believe that it is firmly rooted in the one true and uniform principle that I have noted in my travels through life. My ability was reared in the acknowledgement that eventually, everything turns into shit or a fuck up.

Call it pessimism, call it negativity, call it a distinct lack of faith. I call it the ability to discern, and it is becoming almost like a game for me. What is going to be the problem with this situation? How is it going to fail? I dissect relationships and events like a botanist, separating stamens and carpels while ignoring the blossom, because the flower is what everyone else sees.

The flowers are facts that begin with phrases like "the majority of," or "most people." The flowers are blanket statements that people issue in attempts to normalize, so all can be assimilated into the norm. I resist the norm simply because I am fundamentally outside of its realm.

I knew that my living situation would never work out the minute that the country simpleton came into kitchen hissing from her pale lip less mouth about her intent to brute force her way in. Her loud, country demeanor of mispronounced words and uncivilized loud talking just never rubbed me, well, any way at all.

My car was towed this morning and she told me she would take me to get it in a little while, as she needed more sleep (10:30 am). Then then she asked me for gas money, and complained incessantly in her pig Latin about the cold. Such a miserable human specimen. She plans to move in with her boyfriend after we end our nice little social experiment together. Good night, and good luck.

I have noticed that the fox gets annoyed with me when I go on my rants, labeling me cranky and irritable. I think this honeymoon stage of our relationship is going to end when she realizes I am always irritable, and a big asshole. Not the happy, funny, and mildly inebriated older guy she fashions she has polished out of the coal mine.

I am the coal, and I won't settle, no matter how tired I get of failure and error. The demon that goads me to perfection will not allow me to calm my sensibilities and cease my complaining.

And another week passes by, another week in the desert. How did Jesus count the days, or did he even care what day it was. He was probably just worried about temptation, that which he did not succumb to, and I in all my multitudes of discipline, have.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentines Day

  • Man, I really wish I didn't ask off, I should be working tonight...
  • Went to Macaroni grill last night with the fox which was rather good, had portobello chicken and she had Canneloni.. Yum!
  • Today is payday, and so is tomorrow~! Ah the joys of multi employment
  • I got a new Perry Ellis wallet, some playboy coasters, and some silk boxers, nice!
  • I bought her two hours at the spa, she said I did really well, not bad for a first valentine ;)
  • Make up your mind weather, cold or hot... I think I am ready for it to get hot, strangely..

Friday, February 9, 2007

Slow Cheetah

this song is just amazing....

Listening to the red hot chili peppers make such great music after all these years is really impressive. Their latest CD to me is definitive. It reminds me of the smashing pumpkin's Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness. Not so much an album, but a definitive statement on their belief expressed in a musical language, every song a separate emotion and the whole work a journey.

Waking up dead inside of my head
Whenever never do there is no med
No medicine to take
I’ve had a chance to be insane
Asylum from the falling rain
I’ve had a chance to break

It’s so bad it’s got to be good
Mysterious girl misunderstood
Dressed like a wedding cake
Any other day and I might play
A funeral march for Bonnie Brae
Why try and run away

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Gay names and female eating habits

/rant/
1. OK, now for some apparent reason, I know a few couples that are in the process of conception. Let me first say how much fun that must be. Seriously, you get an excuse to get laid and you are actually, like accomplishing something. You get yelled at for abandoning ship, instead encouraged to man batten the hatches and weather the storm. Anyone who has ever been in a birth control relationship knows the joys of oral contraceptives.

But to the point, baby names.

Please please please do not banish your child to the plight of eternal gaydom by giving him a retarded contrived name. What is wrong with the names that people have been using for years? It has been economically proven that giving your child a contrived name sets him up for less prosperity. He will be looked upon more favorable by his peers if his name is Samuel, John, or Paul. So what if there are three other Michael's and Maria's in his class and his initials aren't pretty, other people had the right idea as well!

Black people, are you listening? You live in America now, you don't have to invent some African name that isn't even African to feel that you are following in kind with your culture. Look at other cultures.. How many messed up Asian names do you hear, you don't see them giving their children Asian names in America.. How many Harry Woo's and John Kim's do u know....

You are securing not only his/her sexuality but, his/her future lively hood. You are investing when you make babies people, don't waste your livelihood.


2. Women, eat your damn food. Please stop pulling of bread, exploring sauces and eating only the meat and not the lettuce. The menu does not say:

  • A large patty of meat, served in a delectable prearrangement that is easy reconfigured for maximum flavor, suggested reconfiguration in burger form
Order it, eat it. That simple. If you want to loose weight, eat healthy, eat less more often, and get of your ass and take the stairs. Stop picking at food like birds, its just UN-damn-civilized.

/*rant*/

I'm sorry, this is just funny

http://wbztv.com/topstories/local_story_031135507.html

everything bagel extra garlic and coffee, black

I am starting to love coffee, it dosen't keep me awake at all but every so often it jolts me into action. A shot of espresso is always welcomed, albiet with no sugar or creme which are horribly fattening. It supposedly makes you smarter and speeds your metabolism, awww yeaah..

So lets hear it for the Colts one more time, and the surgery that is The Payton Manning offense.

They are moving my office upstairs which I am not happy with, I would much rather be downstairs where I can make calls and be unproductive.. Maybe it is a good thing however, I need more motivation in my life. Not working out (just cardio) because of my hand has robbed me of some resolve. I have decided to make to do lists every night on the suggestion of the fox, who swears by them.

Listening to Stadium Arcadium, by the RHCP. Such a great band, amazing to me after all this time they are still so tight and putting out great music.

My mother had a long talk with me last night on the merits of successful life choices. She instructed that it is better to complete things first before skipping around as I often do. She told me to build with bricks, not with shifting sand. I like that. I noticed and mentioned that I always skip up stairs when i'm am ascending. We agreed that I need to stop skipping, however I don't have to walk. I can run.

MBA i'm gunning for ya, but lets get this degree first.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Ayn Rand and That new book smell

I dislike Ayn Rand, I was reading something about her on a friends blog and decided to rant my responce to such:

I just got blink from Zooba, how exciting. I love that new book smell.

While one can hardly argue with the tenents of Rand in such observations about sexual interaction, her objectivist argument I feel is flawed fundamentally. Be careful not be so taken with a view of human nature that is askew from that which science represents and presented in a mere fiction novel.

Rand attempts to argue that the only productive human action is by nature in pursuit of personal progress. Those who do not follow this pursuit, are what she deems dependent, and society as a hole is divided by those who are dependent and those who are productive. Her treaste for the book is that if the productive citizens 'shrugged' the whole world would feel it, however I feel that this is not in accordance with science.

Populations throughout time have proven to be most successful when functioning in successive cooperation, building upon the ability of specialized production. This principle is illustrated in life numerous times and it is the highly evolved compartmentalized aspect found throughout nature.

The organelles of the cell, plebeians and the patricians, the lion pride, even a bee hive..Think of all the behaviors in society that would be proved impossible if practiced universally. The engineer, the novelist, the farmer, all occupations based upon societies and economies of scale. Capitalism is based in complex organizations home to vast inequalities existing between the productive and the less so.

Societies will always be composed of inequalities, and to write as Rand does that lassiez faire capitalism is in the highest accord with human nature, and then to follow with a theory so contradictory to such claims in my humble opinion is difficult.

And they called it stormy monday..

Nice day, but a bit chilly as to be expected. My glorious superbowl champion Indianpolis Colts are now supreme, as I envisioned so long ago.

Super 14 started this week, to take the place of my beloved football weekends now I have glorious high octane Australian rugby to watch.

Spent most of the weekend with the Fox, and we are still getting along so well. We went to lunch on friday, shopping at the mall, and had sleepovers. Ah Bliss.

Man I am so tired today, I am beginning to loathe Spanish class, as it isn't very interesting. I want to take a Spanish literature class next, as I think I would pick it up much more quickly that way.

Got an excellent letter of reccomendation from an old finance professor, he had great things to say about me and I really felt good about myself. This grad school thing is going to work out swell I think...

Friday, February 2, 2007

My lips are bleeding

And I love the cold, I enjoy the naked look on the trees, with their last few leaves clinging to life. They are ever fooled by this sudden cold weather. The blue jays are having a blast in it, as blue jays often do anywhere, they are the life of any season.

I am much the contrast. I think people can just read the look of boredom on my face, as last night of course not drinking I sat around people watching at the bar, and went to watch a friend play with his hideously loud band at some squalid alcoholic location (a frat house.) The frat house was much like I'd imagined a frat to be, full of women asking to get date raped, men holding cheap beer cans, and camouflage regalia.

What? That huge confederate flag? Oh, I'm sorry.. 'rebel battle flag.' Come now, thats pride..not prejudice. Yet is still makes me uneasy as the only brown man walking into the lair of the white institutional masses. So funny how young white adolescents all look the same to me, and funnier still how even though I exclaim to be so culturally a-sensitive and androgynous, I am aware of the fact that America still considers me black. At least some people are having fun.

So I just "ahem" acquired John Digweed's new cd, Transitions Volume 2. It is excellent as usual, an elaborate journey of trance music laced with beats and sound. Highly recommended.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Random Thoughts

  • I love rainy days, it is almost like a vacation for the earth.
  • I really want to go on a cruise, I feel like I can afford it and won't feel bad about spending the money..
  • Who wants to go with me?
  • Stock Market is doing very well
  • I was able to find sources for three letters of reccomendation, now if I can get excellent grades, i'll have a nice G.P.A and be a shoe in for grad school next year
  • I saw a black card last night, it's power haunted me like an apparation. I want one someday
  • Work is so much fun (second job) there is nothing better than making money
  • Spending it is fun too ;)
  • I want to go shopping on sunday, before the superbowl I think. I deserve it

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I'm the Motherfucking Flash

Damn, I guess I need to relinquish another victory to my mother. I am in need of an alarm clock. My internal alarm clock is highly functional, and I do awaken before the sun more often than not, but this particular morning I decided to go back to bed. Not such a good idea when I had my first spanish test.

Mornings like this I relish the fact that I am a man, able to get ready in fifteen seconds and be out of the door sprinting down the stairs in sandals. Damn, I love my zippy new car, down the street, snuck in behind a teacher in the teacher parking lot and able to make it to class a mere 16 mins late. Wow, that is about 8 mins flat from waking up and realizing I was late to writing my name on the page.

Diet diet diet, just getting into it. I really wonder how it is going to be when I am at week 3 or 4, after the exact same thing every day. I love the challenge and relish in it.

I am opening another bank account today with Wachovia to take advantage of their $50 sign on bonus. That will bring my total number of bank accounts to 5. Washington Mutual, Bank of America, Suntrust(through school), Wachovia, Emigrant Direct. That isn't counting paypal, and Citi, which handles my credit cards.

Wow, I love the bank such a great instution. I have a small position in Bank of America, the best one in my opinion. I like having lots of them because, well there is no harm in it, only greater utility. I never have to search around for a bank, and I keep most of my money in the one that pays the most interest. I can cash a check anywhere, and if I need credit services I am alreay an account holder and can shop around. Ole!

Damn I love finance.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Great Story

Oh this is how I want my life to be! Incessantly writing about my wine exploits and fine french food. Cavorting around the globe with the bourgeoisie and the aristorcracy.

What a great story, what passion. I loved every word of it. Funny how sometimes my mind reads things at a pace that denotes my intersest. I might skim a school book at best, skipping lines and probing for the essentials. When I am intersted, I read ever so slow and delberiate.

My new favorite activity is to stop at ABC and pick up bottles for my collection, often fine Bordeaux's in writing I can barely decipher.