Friday, January 12, 2007
I was walking home from school today and I saw a girl driving a really nice Nissan smoking a cigarette. She has never known suffering, I thought to myself. Only affluence, and she spends her life the bride of necessity only needing what she wants, rather than what she truly needs.
I am greedy because I have been poor. I used to walk with my mother carrying the groceries from the store when we didn't have a car. I never felt like we were poor, or noticed it, yet we were.
I think there are very few who can sacrifice what they want. I often encounter those that just say 'fuck it' and do things because they are slaves to their desires. I am a student of self discipline, the greatest power of all. The more one can deny himself, the greater he can become.
So when people ask me, why I push myself so hard. Why I am so hard on myself. The answer lies in the question, because I have the ability to push and become stronger from the tribulation. They who waste time ask why such a hurry. I ask why wait.
The greed is for all things, knowledge, power, and prosperity.
One of my favorite quotes: Success comes to those who sacrifice who they are for what they can be.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I love going, well actually I hate going shopping with my roommates because my cart is filled always with tomatoes, oatmeal, eggs, milk, potatoes. Their carts are filled with boxes that say things like quick, microwavable, and instant. Then we get home and I am constantly asked how to make things. I don't know how your instant shit works, I am sorry. I know how to cook with ingredients, not boxes. One of the two is addicted to avocados now, she buys them and eats them whole like they are some kind of rare delicacy.
So felt and demonstrated the effects of the older generation. Teaching your daughters nothing practical but how to put on make up. I think the sexiest thing a woman can do is sew.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
I got some news about not graduating until next semester because of a residency requirement and it really just crushed me. It really is inconsequential as I will be in Tallahassee at least until August anyway, I just had it in my mind that I was going to be done and it left me feeling like a failure. I know that taking six classes this semester would be a worthless form of suicide, yet I cannot fight the urge to do such.
I have this mentality that I will never accept failure but sometimes I just feel like my goals are meaningless and it is very depressing. It is hard to explain to others how it feels to look at all my accomplishments and see very little. I am a natural pessimist.
The only thing I know how to do is to work harder, and that is all that I will do. I often wonder if there are other people like me, old men in the bodies of young ones. I sometimes feel like I really do not care to see what is entailed in this destiny, that I would rather just see what is next.. I guess that isn't really an option. Arrrrrrrgh!
Monday, January 8, 2007
Waste some time and learn some new things
This list has a bunch that I want to check out. I think Mel Gibson is sadly underrepresented.
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Sounds like a good story dosen't it? But tomorrow school is starting and there really is this kind of depressed feeling in the air, but not for me. I have an aura of determination in anticipation for my last semester. This is going to be the first major transition to a lifestyle that I plan to lead for the next several years. Got the new job that seems like it will be a nice low stress way to add cash flow, and while it isn't exactly at a financially economical distance, the drive is nice and contemplative.
After my car fucked up this week which allowed me to start borrowing my roommates Accord. I love the car, nice comfortable ride. I worked out a payment plan for it, and as I am reluctant to take on another expense when my investments are so low and debt so high, it is an expense I need desperatly. I am going to be working 100% now. School will still be priority one however with three classes left I am excited to start kicking my ass and making some money.
Playin a little J'Dilla on the myspace, anyone that likes downtempo or chillout and wants to hear a quality lyricist flow over some classic motown soul samples should check out Wont Do.
I got tagged.
5 Things People Don’t Know About Me
1.) When I was in the army, and we got our first weekend leave we went to a strip club called Jaguars in El Paso, Texas. I got one lap dance and tipped the girl six dollars when she informed me the dance was $30. I was unnerved and totally turned off, I hate strip clubs to this day.
2.) I play rugby. I've broken my nose three times and hands three times, only two of those instances did I go to the hospital.
3.) My career goal is to have enough money to not be working by age 36, and own a large plot of land where I can start a vineyard/elk farm. There I will produce wine, cheese, elk meat, and various fruits and vegetables. I will also operate a small restaurant on the property.
4.) I think natural selection has chosen hybrid races such as mine as the vehicle for human evolution, and soon everyone will look like me. Either a massive plague or large scale conflict will eventually prove this theory correct. Men that chose to shave their heads are embracing a more efficient, aerodynamic lifestyle as hair is merely an aesthetic for those who are slaves to their phenotypes. Baldness has been proven an innovation of genetic evolution to increase signaling efficiency.
5.) I think Jim Morrison was a great poet and admire Jews above all other cultures.