Thursday, March 22, 2007

Younger bones, older mind

I twisted my ankle playing racket ball yesterday. To anyone who has never done such, it is a really annoying injury, I find myself shuffling and limping along like the kindly old black janitor.

Wow, I really am not indestructible as I used to be/feel. Back to back rugby matches don't seem within my grasp without some considerable cardiovascular training. Summer usually means a slim down for me so I'm looking forward to that at least.

Jobs, school, future, relocation, money, relationships. Oh these concepts are forever tumbling and swirling around my mind. I have been doing considerable reading on polymath's these days. I feel like their gift might be almost something of a curse as well. Never truly experiencing the pull of one discipline, instead delving into so many. Must be easy to lose yourself in endless cognition.

My friend Mike says arrogance and self-awareness rarely go hand in hand. I agree whole heatedly. While there are those that are great due to their self promotion, I have never styled myself a member of their ranks. Even those whom I think unworthy of critical language in my reference are quick to make observations regarding my brazen demeanor.

To start over, to embody the meek and hard working, traits my father likened to gold. Sometimes I worry that I am running out of chances to start over, that I am cementing foundations that I do not desire.

The fox's words keep replaying like a scratched CD: If you don't share so much of your person, they will have nothing to say.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Ouch... Sights and Sounds

I was stung by a jelly fish when I was a child. It is one of those painful memories that will always be with me, like shattering bones in my hands or nose.

Exam in a little bit, I should be studying instead of blogging. I keep finding myself researching and reading about the markets. I wish wish wish I had more money to invest. Again the frugality issue rearing it's ugly green head. Need to stick to the plan.

I've been toying around the moving idea for some time now. Since my current living situation is going to end next month, I'll need to stay somewhere for the six weeks of summer school that I have left before I graduate.

I think I definitely need to continue with Spanish, and I also need to learn some Chinese. I saw a man scribbling on a whole blank sheet, rendering it full of characters this morning. The icons were very elegant even in their unrefined lines. I watched this program on travel channel about a chef that eats weird things. So cool, I thought it a shame that he could not speak any native languages of the countries he traveled.

The fox offered up her homestead for the six week summer term, but I think that will pretty much ruin our relationship because of my early habits and ass-holishness. I am such an atypical college student, mainly because I am so ready to be done with it. I am beginning to notice how similar we are, especially in the toot your own horn department. The fox always points out what she perceives as her behavior traits; she gave me some good advice regarding being a more closed book in social situations. I have difficultly taking advice from people these days yet at times she helps me realize how annoying I really can be.

Atlanta, that not so far off land of opportunity and culture that I came to adore in the few instances I frequented. I feel as if it might be my next destination this summer. How nice would it be to be alone in a huge city, not knowing anyone or glancing at a face that I know I've seen before.

Does anyone else ever get annoying with running into people that they know? Small talk is rather pointless, I usually employ the African American method of salutation known as the head nod. Much more effective than asking about what you are or aren't doing.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Swan Song

The wild swan's death-hymn took the soul
Of that waste place with joy
Hidden in sorrow: at first to the ear
The warble was low, and full and clear; ...
But anon her awful jubilant voice,
With a music strange and manifold,
Flow’d forth on a carol free and bold;
As when a mighty people rejoice
With shawms, and with cymbals, and harps of gold...

The Mason

The never ending attempt to build a foundation upon which to prosper. My forward sentiments are looking choppy as unexpected things are coming my way.

My friend came into town over the weekend, he is doing very well for himself and his frugal nature is a shining example of that which I am easily capable and not doing. As the usual shit talking pursued between old childhood friends he made a great point in highlighting the fact of his financial prosperity, that which I cannot answer too. No denying at his current pillar in life, it is an accomplishment which stands on its own merit.

The roommate situation has reached gritty confrontation. Tears and screaming are a routine occurrence, along with uncomfortable guests, and secret sharing. In the past I would volunteer that my arrogance was the spring from which conflagrations flow yet the childish actions on the part of my aggressors merely reinforce the idea that I should live alone.

I saw Zodiac this weekend, rather long and horribly edited however solid acting and characterization.

I recently pondered a great contradiction in my current affairs, how I am full of knowledge on proper financial action yet I am not able to efficiently manage my own account. Not by lack of effort, but through an uncanny ability to discount. Saying 'fuck it' has led me in many areas of my life to great discord and unhappiness. The disparity of my capabilities and my realized actions has lead me to depression.

I have been told that a solid future is built with stones, not with shifting sands. I have realized that efforts to rectify my aims in focusing on secular aggrandizement rather than satisfactory performance in all areas is the key to my personal success.